Monday, October 15, 2012

On Anger

Like the full spectrum of human emotion, anger happens. And that's OK.

But periodically we must evaluate our emotional experiences and make a conscientious decision to either follow the path dictated by our whatevery flood of hormones & chemicals happens to be washing over our brains in that moment, or temper them and take a more rational approach.

Anger is one of many normal, natural responses to pain. When the source of that pain has the intention to inflict harm on you, anger can be extrememly useful. If you are in real and immediate danger, embracing anger can give you the strength (both physically and mentally) to respond appropriately to such a threat.

However, if your pain is the result of the ignorance, indifference, or neglect of others, anger will only serve to add to the frustration and confusion of everyone, yourself included. You'll experience it, and should definitely acknowledge it, but as a tool for resolving the conflict and ending your pain, anger is basically useless. 

I believe that most people are well-meaning, but many are oblivious. This oblivion is the cause of much of the pain we experience in modern life. That is why it is so important to possess and nurture other means of problem-solving besides anger and violence.

Means such as:
Compassion
Forgiveness
Self-respect
Self-confidence

These are all tools that can be used to cope with loss, reduce fear, and alleviate suffering. They aren't just inherent personality traits; they are skills that must be developed and practiced.

When you attempt to put anger aside and reach for another solution to your problem, and find your toolbox empty, what else can yo do but fall back on the tools you have available?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Why I gave Indie Game: The Movie a shot

I first heard of Indie Game: The Movie at SXSW last year, around the same time I started immersing myself in all things game industry. I wasn't able to see it then, but I was excited about it. It recently became available on Netflix Instant, which ironically I learned through a tweet by someone announcing that they would be ignoring said movie.

I replied to ask why the hate on Indie Game, and in the subsequent exchange was presented with the following idea. This was a few weeks ago so I hope I'm representing it faithfully:

- Mainstream video game culture and the video game industry is drenched in Straight White Dudes ("SWDs").
- Indie Game's main subjects appear to be stereotypical SWDs.
- Non-SWDs need role models in video game development & publishing to achieve parity.

I don't disagree on any particular point, but my perspective is a little different and I probably did a poor job expressing it in tweets. So here's where I'm coming from. Keep in mind I haven't actually seen the film yet so for all I know it's a total piece of shit. So this isn't a review of the movie itself, but rather why I'm happy that it was made at all.

Focus
The topic of the movie is simply indie game publishing. I don't think the identity of the person making the game detracts from that topic. A movie about a gay Asian female game designer could be AWESOME, but that's not what this movie happens to be about and that's OK. In fact, sometimes when the scope of a documentary is too wide, the end product seems unfocused, because there isn't enough time to fully explore every facet of a situation.

Availability
To my knowledge, there currently aren't any other widely available documentaries about indie video game development. As someone with aspirations to make game development a larger part of life, I welcome any opportunity to learn something from the experience of one who's already doing it. If it were a movie about the staff of EA games and their latest title, I would be just as interested to see that, too, because it's unknown to me. I'm not going to turn down a learning opportunity just because it's not subculture enough.

Perspective
As I watch Indie Game, I will be fully aware that this is one person's experience, and not necessarily representative of all indie projects everywhere. I have no idea if the film will come across as preachy in some way, or misrepresent the process, but I do know that it will be the story of a particular journey or a particular group of people. It's a documentary, not a peer-reviewed scientific paper. As with any media consumption, the viewer must maintain perspective and decide what lessons to take away.

Participation
Another documentary that I enjoyed earlier this year, MissRepresentation, focuses on the presentation of women in the media, and the effect that presentation has on girls. One of the quotes from the movie and something I've seen repeated is, "You can't be what you can't see." In other words, if a young girl isn't exposed to female role models, she won't be able to imagine herself growing up to do her thing of choice. Frankly I think that's bullshit, and more on that later, but suffice it to say that if every young girl waited for a female role model to come along before she worked toward being a female mathematician, banker, programmer, or business owner, there wouldn't be any. We should be teaching our daughters to find role models wherever they can, not based on gender but based on what people are DOING.

Books about Games for People who Prefer Books to Games

I've always had an interest in game development but categorized it alongside astronaut, musician, and artist as a fantastical but ultimately impractical and silly career choice. (A pretty cynical worldview that I've since changed, but unfortunately for me, that's what college-Niki believed.)

A multitude of random events (roller derby, job dissatisfaction, and a trip to SXSW, to name a few) helped rekindle my interest in game development. A lot of what I've learned via software development & systems design is applicable to game design, but I have some way to go before my skills catch up with my ambitions.

So did what I always do when faced with the unknown: I started reading books--lots of them. And the ones I found more interesting were less about game development as a practice, and more about the role of games in our culture, civilization, and humanity.

Here are the three that made the biggest impression on me:

1. Rise of the Videogame Zinesters by Anna Anthropy

By far the best and most inspiring book I've read lately. The full title is Rise of the Videogame Zinesters: How Freaks, Normals, Amateurs, Artists, Dreamers, Drop-outs, Queers, Housewives, and People Like You Are Taking Back an Art Form. (As of this writing there is exactly one paper copy left in stock on Amazon. If you don't have an eReader, QUICK GO BUY IT.)

I have this book to thank for solidifying in my mind the idea that games are the perfect artistic medium to express complex ideas. Previously any connection that I'd made between art and games had to do with graphics or animation. Those are still important components, but the game as a whole is a piece of art, and can only be fully appreciated by being played. On a personal level, I found sudden harmony between my desire to create and my desire to play.

While I found the greatest value of this book to be in the author's perspective of games and the mainstream game industry, it also includes a primer on game development tools that are freely available for anyone to use. The author's site and links to her own games can be found at auntiepixelante.com.

2. Reality is Broken by Jane McGonigal

Where Rise of the Videogame Zinesters helped me to see the connection between art and games, Reality is Broken helped me to see how games can and do have a tangible impact on the real world.

Before Jane McGonigal wrote Reality is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World, she spent years studying video games and the affects they have on the people who play them. Much to the relief of parents everywhere, what she found was very positive. Games challenge and engage us in ways that the real world does not, by being really good at helping us achieve a state of "flow" and giving us frequent cause to celebrate success.

The author is game designer herself, and specializes in games that have real and lasting impacts on the world.

3. Gamestorming by Dave Gray, Sunni Brown, and James Macanufo

Unlike the first two books, this one deals a lot more with practicalities. However, the "how" isn't about how to design video games or board games, but how to use the principles of gamification in a business setting. The exercises in Gamestorming: A Playbook for Innovators, Rulebreakers and Changemakers can inject some fun into the dry and stressful business of ... well, business.

Reading through the list of games feels similar to reading a list of project management and facilitation tools (RACI chart, Stakeholder Analysis, Mood Board, Value Mapping) because really, that's exactly what they are. But the authors re-frame these tools into a set of rules and procedures that feels less like business and more like play. It's really a business book dressed up as a book about gaming, which is what makes it so brilliant, and perhaps a fine example of Jane McGonigal's assertion that games can make reality better.