I have a separate mini-freezer where we keep all the extra milk that I pump to feed Kayla while I'm at work. It took me months to build up the supply, and we had enough in there to feed her for about a week if I wasn't able to for any reason. On Tuesday, Hubby must have not closed the door all the way when he got some out for her while I was at work, because on Wednesday when I went to put some away, the door was open a crack and all the milk was thawed or mostly thawed. You can't refreeze it once it's thawed, so we lost all of it.
I have been a cow all weekend trying to build the supply back up, but I had a nice balance going before & I'm basically forcing myself into over-production to try to build up enough to make sure she can eat the next time I'm away for 12 hours.
I hate modern life. This would be so much easier if I lived in a hut and could just carry her around with me all day while I gather berries.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Another Useless Study
http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/11/21/baby.buggies/index.html
Um... duh?
Other things I don't need a study to tell me:
- Babies whose diapers are changed often get fewer rashes than those who aren't
- Babies left in a crib staring at the ceiling all day learn less than those who are played with or carried in their waking hours
- Children wearing shoes get fewer blisters than children not wearing shoes
- Children wearing coats stay warmer in the winter than children not wearing coats.
Use freaking common sense, people. And also, if you have a stroller that face forward, don't go running out to buy a different model if you only have your kid in it for short walks & spend the rest of the time talking and playing with them.
Um... duh?
Other things I don't need a study to tell me:
- Babies whose diapers are changed often get fewer rashes than those who aren't
- Babies left in a crib staring at the ceiling all day learn less than those who are played with or carried in their waking hours
- Children wearing shoes get fewer blisters than children not wearing shoes
- Children wearing coats stay warmer in the winter than children not wearing coats.
Use freaking common sense, people. And also, if you have a stroller that face forward, don't go running out to buy a different model if you only have your kid in it for short walks & spend the rest of the time talking and playing with them.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Parents Are To Blame
I was working from home today and found myself participating in a conference call from the inside of a dark closet.
My office, you see, was too noisy. So was my living room, kitchen, and every other room in my apartment. The noise was coming from a young woman outside banging on the door to the building and screaming.
I couldn't really make out what she was saying, and I didn't have the attention span to try because I was busy discussing the finer points of vendor management with co-workers on the other end of the phone.
When my call ended I peered out the window to find my landlord and his wife engaged in a rather lively... um... "conversation" with the aforementioned young lady and someone I later discovered to be her mother.
"I WANT TO TALK TO MY FATHER!! HE WON'T ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE AND I KNOW HE'S LIVING HERE!"
"Look, you can't come around here yelling and banging on the door, telling me to go fuck myself..."
Kayla and Robin were out for a walk, so I leashed up the dog and went outside myself. The girl was waving a picture and a bunch of papers around, she and her mother were yelling at my landlord, and my landlord was doing an impressive job calmly explaining to them that whatever their beef with his tenant, they are not doing themselves any good yelling like lunatics. At one point he said, "Look, I got a lady with a baby living here and you're out here screaming."
Since I'm the lady with a baby he was talking about, I turned and looked their way, at which point the girl decided to start yelling at me.
"THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
"Actually, you're making it my business. This is my apartment right here."
"Well, this conversation is none of your business."
"Well then maybe you should be having it at your own home and not mine."
Her mother jumped in. "I'm sorry about that and for disturbing you and your baby, and I'll take it away from here, but now you can walk away because this is a private conversation."
My blood started to boil as I scrambled for a polite way to tell her that she was having her "private conversation" at about 104 decibels in public, and that I have more of a right to be standing here than she did, and that I will NOT walk away, and she and her skank daughter are welcome to try to make me. Then I remembered that my precious Treefrog was on her way back home and decided that I'd rather greet her calmly from inside the apartment than have her find me in the middle of beating some strage woman senseless and have to stop and wipe the blood and bone fragments from my hands and face before giving her a kiss hello.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I smiled and went back inside.
My daughter has done more just by existing to make me a better, calmer, more rational person than any self-determination, introspection, and therapy my entire life before her birth. That said, I have to wonder how gigantic a piece of shit the mother I encountered today must have been before the birth of her daughter if she is still this much of an asshole today.
As for the young lady who started this whole mess-- I pity her. She was young, mid 20's at best, possibly even as young as 17 or 18. Her father is obviously an asshole (won't answer his daughter's calls??) and her mother is probably the one who trained her to handle the situation in the most counter-productive, obnoxious way possible.
At the same time, I see a little bit of myself in her. There have been times when I tried to "handle" a situation by screaming and threatening my way through it, and I'm sometimes tempted to do things that way today. Oh, how I would have loved to leap across the conference table and gauge the eyes out of a condescending colleague last week... but that's another story. The point is, I was fortunate enough to have enough good influences in my life to get past the aggression-is-best mentality and eventually become a relatively mature, well-balanced person who can actually walk away from a senseless fight.
My goal is to be a good enough, strong enough influence in my daughter's life that she never feels the need to scream mindlessly at the empty apartment of someone who wronged her.
As goals go, not too ambitious, I hope.
My office, you see, was too noisy. So was my living room, kitchen, and every other room in my apartment. The noise was coming from a young woman outside banging on the door to the building and screaming.
I couldn't really make out what she was saying, and I didn't have the attention span to try because I was busy discussing the finer points of vendor management with co-workers on the other end of the phone.
When my call ended I peered out the window to find my landlord and his wife engaged in a rather lively... um... "conversation" with the aforementioned young lady and someone I later discovered to be her mother.
"I WANT TO TALK TO MY FATHER!! HE WON'T ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE AND I KNOW HE'S LIVING HERE!"
"Look, you can't come around here yelling and banging on the door, telling me to go fuck myself..."
Kayla and Robin were out for a walk, so I leashed up the dog and went outside myself. The girl was waving a picture and a bunch of papers around, she and her mother were yelling at my landlord, and my landlord was doing an impressive job calmly explaining to them that whatever their beef with his tenant, they are not doing themselves any good yelling like lunatics. At one point he said, "Look, I got a lady with a baby living here and you're out here screaming."
Since I'm the lady with a baby he was talking about, I turned and looked their way, at which point the girl decided to start yelling at me.
"THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
"Actually, you're making it my business. This is my apartment right here."
"Well, this conversation is none of your business."
"Well then maybe you should be having it at your own home and not mine."
Her mother jumped in. "I'm sorry about that and for disturbing you and your baby, and I'll take it away from here, but now you can walk away because this is a private conversation."
My blood started to boil as I scrambled for a polite way to tell her that she was having her "private conversation" at about 104 decibels in public, and that I have more of a right to be standing here than she did, and that I will NOT walk away, and she and her skank daughter are welcome to try to make me. Then I remembered that my precious Treefrog was on her way back home and decided that I'd rather greet her calmly from inside the apartment than have her find me in the middle of beating some strage woman senseless and have to stop and wipe the blood and bone fragments from my hands and face before giving her a kiss hello.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I smiled and went back inside.
My daughter has done more just by existing to make me a better, calmer, more rational person than any self-determination, introspection, and therapy my entire life before her birth. That said, I have to wonder how gigantic a piece of shit the mother I encountered today must have been before the birth of her daughter if she is still this much of an asshole today.
As for the young lady who started this whole mess-- I pity her. She was young, mid 20's at best, possibly even as young as 17 or 18. Her father is obviously an asshole (won't answer his daughter's calls??) and her mother is probably the one who trained her to handle the situation in the most counter-productive, obnoxious way possible.
At the same time, I see a little bit of myself in her. There have been times when I tried to "handle" a situation by screaming and threatening my way through it, and I'm sometimes tempted to do things that way today. Oh, how I would have loved to leap across the conference table and gauge the eyes out of a condescending colleague last week... but that's another story. The point is, I was fortunate enough to have enough good influences in my life to get past the aggression-is-best mentality and eventually become a relatively mature, well-balanced person who can actually walk away from a senseless fight.
My goal is to be a good enough, strong enough influence in my daughter's life that she never feels the need to scream mindlessly at the empty apartment of someone who wronged her.
As goals go, not too ambitious, I hope.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
On Birth Plans
In a previous post I mentioned that birth plans often get a bad wrap by people who don't know what planning is.
Good plans include contingencies. Your birth plan will basically be a list of contingencies and preferences. For example:
"I would not like to be offered an epidural. If I want one, I will ask for it."
"In the event of an emergency C-section, I would like to remain conscious unless there is a medical reason to put me under."
There is nothing stupid or naive about wanting your partner, doctor/midwife, and others present at the birth to all clearly understand your needs and preferences, especially where they may differ from the norm. Lord knows you won't have the wherewithal to articulate them when you're in labor.
A birth plan should not be a laundry list of demands, like, "I want to be able to move freely" or "I insist on being allowed to eat solid food during labor." Those are the kind of things that are allowed or restricted by hospital/birth center policy, and you should speak at length with your provider about the policies and regulations for the facility in which you plan to give birth. If an act is against hospital rules, having it in your birth plan won't do a damn thing. It's not a legal document and no one is compelled to follow it. If your provider says that the policy is one thing but that they can make an exception for you, get the exception in writing and add it to the labor bag.
The process of writing a birth plan should be an experience of discovery for you. Look up birth plans online and consider all of the various points they touch upon. Do you agree or disagree? Would you want the same thing mentioned in this plan, or something different? Does your facility allow for your personal preference? What if circumstances change, like the baby's heart rate drops or you turn out to have a higher or lower tolerance for labor pain than you're currently predicting? Write it all down. If you did it right, a few weeks later you should end up with about 10 pages of soul searching and know yourself a little bit better than you did before. This is not your birth plan yet.
Now take the main points of those 10 pages and skin it down to a single-page, bullet-pointed list for your health care provider. Take it to your next appointment (or if they schedule a longer appointment for just this purpose like many providers do, take it to that one) and discuss it.
Remember those contingencies. For every "I want" or "I don't want" on your list, try to think of a situation where that would change, and include it in the shortened list. For just about everything you don't want, you can add "unless deemed medically necessary by the attending." For just about everything you do want, you can reword, "I would like the option of..." since you really don't know what you'll want until the time comes. If what you want is already hospital policy or standard procedure, don't bother including it. No nurse is going to read a list of your preferences and take them seriously if they look like what she's trained to do anyway. For the brief plan that you'll share with those at the birth, focus on that are unconventional.
And if you mention your birth plan to someone with 5 kids who says, "HA! Good luck with that... it's so ridiculous to try to map out exactly how your birth is going to happen," just tell them that yes, moron, it would be ridiculous to do that. Good thing that's not what a birth plan is.
Good plans include contingencies. Your birth plan will basically be a list of contingencies and preferences. For example:
"I would not like to be offered an epidural. If I want one, I will ask for it."
"In the event of an emergency C-section, I would like to remain conscious unless there is a medical reason to put me under."
There is nothing stupid or naive about wanting your partner, doctor/midwife, and others present at the birth to all clearly understand your needs and preferences, especially where they may differ from the norm. Lord knows you won't have the wherewithal to articulate them when you're in labor.
A birth plan should not be a laundry list of demands, like, "I want to be able to move freely" or "I insist on being allowed to eat solid food during labor." Those are the kind of things that are allowed or restricted by hospital/birth center policy, and you should speak at length with your provider about the policies and regulations for the facility in which you plan to give birth. If an act is against hospital rules, having it in your birth plan won't do a damn thing. It's not a legal document and no one is compelled to follow it. If your provider says that the policy is one thing but that they can make an exception for you, get the exception in writing and add it to the labor bag.
The process of writing a birth plan should be an experience of discovery for you. Look up birth plans online and consider all of the various points they touch upon. Do you agree or disagree? Would you want the same thing mentioned in this plan, or something different? Does your facility allow for your personal preference? What if circumstances change, like the baby's heart rate drops or you turn out to have a higher or lower tolerance for labor pain than you're currently predicting? Write it all down. If you did it right, a few weeks later you should end up with about 10 pages of soul searching and know yourself a little bit better than you did before. This is not your birth plan yet.
Now take the main points of those 10 pages and skin it down to a single-page, bullet-pointed list for your health care provider. Take it to your next appointment (or if they schedule a longer appointment for just this purpose like many providers do, take it to that one) and discuss it.
Remember those contingencies. For every "I want" or "I don't want" on your list, try to think of a situation where that would change, and include it in the shortened list. For just about everything you don't want, you can add "unless deemed medically necessary by the attending." For just about everything you do want, you can reword, "I would like the option of..." since you really don't know what you'll want until the time comes. If what you want is already hospital policy or standard procedure, don't bother including it. No nurse is going to read a list of your preferences and take them seriously if they look like what she's trained to do anyway. For the brief plan that you'll share with those at the birth, focus on that are unconventional.
And if you mention your birth plan to someone with 5 kids who says, "HA! Good luck with that... it's so ridiculous to try to map out exactly how your birth is going to happen," just tell them that yes, moron, it would be ridiculous to do that. Good thing that's not what a birth plan is.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sesame Street is Not For Kids
At least, it wasn't when I was watching it. As a kid.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/18/magazine/18wwln-medium-t.html
“These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”
I wonder if this explains my demented sense of humor. But then, why don't I eat pipes?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
First Flight
I have to travel occasionally for work, and told my employer that if I had to be anywhere overnight, Kayla would have to come with me. So for the past two weeks I've been on business trips and I dragged the whole fam damily along with me.
First we went to Virginia, which wasn't bad because my in-laws live 40 minutes from where I needed to work. So Kayla got to visit with her grandma and uncle. The 6 hour drive was actually not too terrible and we did a good job by NOT over-packing. No crib, no bulky stroller, just some clothes, diapers, & a few key toys. She did start to get a little stressed out sometimes by the change in routine, but all in all she took the whole thing in stride.
Next we went to Florida by plane, which I was very nervous about. I worried about her little ears popping, about her being cooped up in a flying tube for three hours, and about jail time I would have to spend if any passengers gave my little munchkin so much as a dirty look if she cried.
But Kayla is a far better diplomat than I am. On the way to our seat on the plane, she smiled at each and every passenger that made eye contact with her. One man in particular had a very hard face. He looked at her, she gave him a big smile. He looked away. Then he looked up again and she was still smiling. Now he looked a little worried and looked away again. Finally he looked up at her gummy smiling face one more time, and she broke him. He submitted to what was probably the first time his face cracked a grin in decades. "Don't worry," I said, "she's just softening you up so you won't hate her when she's screaming later."
Me of little faith! The timing worked out well in that she was hungry as we took off, so I latched her on and she happily nursed during take off, falling asleep by the time we reached cruising altitude. I couldn't believe it was that easy.
The landing, however, was a different story. She wasn't hungry, and she was bored out of her skull with the plane. And the descent must have been more rapid than take off, because I felt the pressure in my own ears much stronger. She squirmed and cried and screamed and was generally inconsolable for about 5 or 6 minutes, which seemed like an eternity. But she got over it quickly once we were off the plane.
Our stay in Florida was uneventful, and the flight back wasn't much different from the one there, except that she needed three diaper changes while we were required to be buckled in. Hubby and I have mastered the art of changing a squirming infant in the back of an Airbus 320 in high turbulence.
We did encounter one grouchy passenger on the way back who would not be broken by Kayla's persistent cuteness. We put the car seat next to us this time to see if it was more convenient than having her sit on our laps, but that means that the seat in front of it can't recline. There were plenty of other open seats and the man sitting there was by himself, so when he approached the row I said, "Sir, I'm sorry but because of my infant car seat, this seat won't be able to recline. So if you want to recline you might want to take one of the other open seats." Kayla and I both smiled gently at him. He just looked at me like I just told him his dog was ugly and said, "No, this is my seat." He took it, and throughout the flight periodically turned around to inspect the infant seat as though I had somehow purposefully installed it in a way that would mess with him, as though I had any other option. Well, fuck that guy. I tried.
Lessons Learned:
First we went to Virginia, which wasn't bad because my in-laws live 40 minutes from where I needed to work. So Kayla got to visit with her grandma and uncle. The 6 hour drive was actually not too terrible and we did a good job by NOT over-packing. No crib, no bulky stroller, just some clothes, diapers, & a few key toys. She did start to get a little stressed out sometimes by the change in routine, but all in all she took the whole thing in stride.
Next we went to Florida by plane, which I was very nervous about. I worried about her little ears popping, about her being cooped up in a flying tube for three hours, and about jail time I would have to spend if any passengers gave my little munchkin so much as a dirty look if she cried.
But Kayla is a far better diplomat than I am. On the way to our seat on the plane, she smiled at each and every passenger that made eye contact with her. One man in particular had a very hard face. He looked at her, she gave him a big smile. He looked away. Then he looked up again and she was still smiling. Now he looked a little worried and looked away again. Finally he looked up at her gummy smiling face one more time, and she broke him. He submitted to what was probably the first time his face cracked a grin in decades. "Don't worry," I said, "she's just softening you up so you won't hate her when she's screaming later."
Me of little faith! The timing worked out well in that she was hungry as we took off, so I latched her on and she happily nursed during take off, falling asleep by the time we reached cruising altitude. I couldn't believe it was that easy.
The landing, however, was a different story. She wasn't hungry, and she was bored out of her skull with the plane. And the descent must have been more rapid than take off, because I felt the pressure in my own ears much stronger. She squirmed and cried and screamed and was generally inconsolable for about 5 or 6 minutes, which seemed like an eternity. But she got over it quickly once we were off the plane.
Our stay in Florida was uneventful, and the flight back wasn't much different from the one there, except that she needed three diaper changes while we were required to be buckled in. Hubby and I have mastered the art of changing a squirming infant in the back of an Airbus 320 in high turbulence.
We did encounter one grouchy passenger on the way back who would not be broken by Kayla's persistent cuteness. We put the car seat next to us this time to see if it was more convenient than having her sit on our laps, but that means that the seat in front of it can't recline. There were plenty of other open seats and the man sitting there was by himself, so when he approached the row I said, "Sir, I'm sorry but because of my infant car seat, this seat won't be able to recline. So if you want to recline you might want to take one of the other open seats." Kayla and I both smiled gently at him. He just looked at me like I just told him his dog was ugly and said, "No, this is my seat." He took it, and throughout the flight periodically turned around to inspect the infant seat as though I had somehow purposefully installed it in a way that would mess with him, as though I had any other option. Well, fuck that guy. I tried.
Lessons Learned:
- Travel light. If your baby can barely roll over, don't bother lugging a crib, even a portable one. Use a baby carrier whenever possible and don't bother with a stroller. Only take enough diapers to get you through the first day & buy what you need when you arrive. Use the extra space in your luggage for extra changes of clothes.
- Understand that the change in routine will be stressful on your little one. Try to follow her lead in terms of naptime, mealtimes, playtime. It's never a good idea to impose a schedule on someone who can't tell time, but in this stressful context it's especially ill-advised.
- Be courteous to airline passengers, but if they give you dirty looks anyway, fuck 'em!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
3 months
Kayla is 3 months old today. This is the end of what some call the "fourth trimester."
She can roll from back to front but not front to back. She tries to talk, and listens when you talk to her. She smiles at everyone. She gets a kick out of watching the dog. She lurrrrrrves her daddy. She thinks I'm pretty neat, too. Her favorite toy is still the Itzbeen. We read to her and point to the words as we read them, and she follows along for about five minutes before she gets bored.
Also, why is this news? Are there no scientists out there with kids, or even nieces or nephews? Or do we just pay that little attention to our children?
She can roll from back to front but not front to back. She tries to talk, and listens when you talk to her. She smiles at everyone. She gets a kick out of watching the dog. She lurrrrrrves her daddy. She thinks I'm pretty neat, too. Her favorite toy is still the Itzbeen. We read to her and point to the words as we read them, and she follows along for about five minutes before she gets bored.
Also, why is this news? Are there no scientists out there with kids, or even nieces or nephews? Or do we just pay that little attention to our children?
Friday, October 3, 2008
Baby T-Shirt Hell
I haven't visited this site in years. Do not click if you have no sense of humor, are easily offended, etc. etc.
But for the record, no, I would not put any of these on my child.
I hate it when I see babies wearing clothes that say things like, "Spoiled Brat" or anything similar. First of all, it's only funny to be ironic or sarcastic with someone who understands irony and sarcasm. If they don't, it's just being mean.
Second, even though babies don't have any idea what their shirt says, it basically advertises a certain false persona and affects how other people will look at/treat your baby. "Oh, you're a troublemaker, aren't you!" Blech.
...
Though I must admit, "Fuck the milk, where are the whiskey tits?" is QUITE funny.
But for the record, no, I would not put any of these on my child.
I hate it when I see babies wearing clothes that say things like, "Spoiled Brat" or anything similar. First of all, it's only funny to be ironic or sarcastic with someone who understands irony and sarcasm. If they don't, it's just being mean.
Second, even though babies don't have any idea what their shirt says, it basically advertises a certain false persona and affects how other people will look at/treat your baby. "Oh, you're a troublemaker, aren't you!" Blech.
...
Though I must admit, "Fuck the milk, where are the whiskey tits?" is QUITE funny.
Back-up plan
It's nice to know that if Kayla becomes a pain in my ass when she reaches puberty, I can just drop her off at a police station in Omaha and get on with my life.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/03/us/03omaha.html?em
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/03/us/03omaha.html?em
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tongue Tied
Some people may look at this and see a commentary on sexuality and the human form in cartoon illustration, but I see what has become my breastfeeding IDOL.
For something so natural, it sure is difficult to get the hang of. How does every other mammal on the planet do it without books, instructional videos, and individuals whose entire career is comprised of helping others breastfeed?
Different sources give me different numbers, but somewhere near 60% of moms are breastfeeding when they leave the hospital, and only 23% are still breastfeeding after 6 months. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, with the first 6 months being exclusive. So there's a huge disparity and no one seems to really know why.
I believe that 70% of the problem is laziness and/or misinformation floating around as a result of anti-nursing trends in 40's & 50s, which I believe were the result of prudishness and the over-sexualization of breasts in our culture. Another 29% (I'm making these numbers up, now) is probably the real complexity, both physical and logistical, of breastfeeding. Maybe the other 1% actually have physical abnormalities that prohibit breastfeeding. That tiny fraction would have perished in the wild were it not for surgeons and baby formula. Provided of course it wasn't from China.
If I'm ever asked for advice about childbirth by an expectant mother, I will tell her not to underestimate the importance of preparing not only for the birth but for the 24 hours afterwards that she'll want to use establishing a healthy nursing relationship with her baby. You spend so much time focusing on the one event (the birth) that once it's done you're there with ZERO preparation to do this other extremely important thing that also requires some knowledge and skill. If the hospital you're delivering in doesn't have certified lactation consultants on staff (as in real lactation consultants, not just nurses who took a 5 hour class), it's a great investment to hire one.
As you may have guessed, I had some trouble getting started breastfeeding in the hospital.
My precious little treefrog would chomp down on my nipple as though she were trying to bite it off. There was no suckling. Only chomping. Needless to say it was extremely painful. One idiot nurse who obviously knew nothing about proper latch insisted that I should let her chomp away; that I wasn't "giving the baby a chance."
A chance to WHAT, exactly? Bite my frickin nipple off? It just wasn't working. Kayla would bite down, I would yelp, she would get scared and cry, and we were both miserable. I tracked down a lactation consultant (LC) who agreed to come see us in the hospital that same day. (Note to non-parents: Yes, there are people whose entire living is made helping new moms breastfeed.) Kudos to Robin, who felt helpless watching us go through this and encouraged me without hesitation to get professional help even though it was an unexpected expense.
When she came I was already feeling pretty defeated, and questioning whether breastfeeding was something I could even do. Maybe the pain I was experiencing was normal and I was just a wimp, or maybe my baby was born dumb and just didn't know how to eat.
The LC worked with us for about half an hour and declared that I had nipple trauma (yay!), and that Kayla had a short frenulum. That's that little piece of skin that holds your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.
To get a proper latch, and to be able to feed without hurting mommy, the baby needs to extend her tongue down over her bottom gums. Kayla was unable to do this, and couldn't use her tongue to milk the breast properly.
The LC suggested we see a specialist to see about clipping her frenulum so that she'd be able to use her tongue properly and get a better latch. I was horrified at the idea and refused, determined to make it work without resorting to anything that seemed so drastic. Here I had this perfect, amazing baby, and I wasn't about to let anyone near her with sharp things.
So for the next two weeks, I alternated between pumping (every two hours, day and goddamn night, to keep my supply up), feeding with a nipple shield, and attempting every so often to feed her normally, directly on my breast. This whole ordeal was easily as physically challenging as the birth itself. I considered just switching to formula but every time I looked at the ingredients list for that shit, not to mention thought of the cheesy smell and all the amazing benefits I'd be cheating my daughter out of, I sucked it up and continued torturing myself.
In fact, the more I learned about breast milk and breastfeeding, the more amazed I was, and the more determined I became to make it work. Some of my favorite facts:
Finally I relented and went to see the specialist, and I am SO glad that we did. By that time I noticed that when Kayla stuck her tongue out, it had a bit of a heart shape to it because the middle was being pulled back by her short frenulum.
She gets this from me. I have a very short tongue. In elementary school boys would stick their tongue out at me and then make fun of me when I did it back because I could only stick out like half an inch. By high school the jokes turned into postulations on my lack of oral sex prowess, which I countered by explaining that a small tongue just meant there was more room in my mouth for other things. That shut 'em up.
ANYWAY.
The specialist explained that there aren't even any nerve endings in the frenulum, and that snipping it a little bit would be quick, painless, eliminate the possibility that she would need to switch to formula once I exhaust myself with current regimen, and possibly even save her from speech problems later on in life. I decided to do it, but I couldn't watch. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin stayed with her during the procedure while I hid in the bathroom.
When I came back in she was happy as a clam, and I was told I could feed her right away. Nothing to let bleed or heal, no swelling... just a happy baby ready to eat. And she did! For the very first time, I fed her normally, and there was (amazingly) NO PAIN. It's true that if breastfeeding hurts, you're not doing it right.
Since then it's been pretty smooth sailing. Sleeping is AWESOME now. When she gets hungry in the middle of the night, both of us hardly even have to wake up. She sleeps right next to me and when I hear her rooting, I just turn toward her and she latches on, and we both fall back asleep. It's a beautiful thing. I'm the best-rested mother of a three-month-old I know.
As as for providing comfort when she's fussy, nothing compares. Well, sometimes dad's arm will do for a little while...
... but he can only take so much of that before his arm starts to hurt.
I can't say I have any sympathy. =)
For something so natural, it sure is difficult to get the hang of. How does every other mammal on the planet do it without books, instructional videos, and individuals whose entire career is comprised of helping others breastfeed?
Different sources give me different numbers, but somewhere near 60% of moms are breastfeeding when they leave the hospital, and only 23% are still breastfeeding after 6 months. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, with the first 6 months being exclusive. So there's a huge disparity and no one seems to really know why.
I believe that 70% of the problem is laziness and/or misinformation floating around as a result of anti-nursing trends in 40's & 50s, which I believe were the result of prudishness and the over-sexualization of breasts in our culture. Another 29% (I'm making these numbers up, now) is probably the real complexity, both physical and logistical, of breastfeeding. Maybe the other 1% actually have physical abnormalities that prohibit breastfeeding. That tiny fraction would have perished in the wild were it not for surgeons and baby formula. Provided of course it wasn't from China.
If I'm ever asked for advice about childbirth by an expectant mother, I will tell her not to underestimate the importance of preparing not only for the birth but for the 24 hours afterwards that she'll want to use establishing a healthy nursing relationship with her baby. You spend so much time focusing on the one event (the birth) that once it's done you're there with ZERO preparation to do this other extremely important thing that also requires some knowledge and skill. If the hospital you're delivering in doesn't have certified lactation consultants on staff (as in real lactation consultants, not just nurses who took a 5 hour class), it's a great investment to hire one.
As you may have guessed, I had some trouble getting started breastfeeding in the hospital.
My precious little treefrog would chomp down on my nipple as though she were trying to bite it off. There was no suckling. Only chomping. Needless to say it was extremely painful. One idiot nurse who obviously knew nothing about proper latch insisted that I should let her chomp away; that I wasn't "giving the baby a chance."
A chance to WHAT, exactly? Bite my frickin nipple off? It just wasn't working. Kayla would bite down, I would yelp, she would get scared and cry, and we were both miserable. I tracked down a lactation consultant (LC) who agreed to come see us in the hospital that same day. (Note to non-parents: Yes, there are people whose entire living is made helping new moms breastfeed.) Kudos to Robin, who felt helpless watching us go through this and encouraged me without hesitation to get professional help even though it was an unexpected expense.
When she came I was already feeling pretty defeated, and questioning whether breastfeeding was something I could even do. Maybe the pain I was experiencing was normal and I was just a wimp, or maybe my baby was born dumb and just didn't know how to eat.
The LC worked with us for about half an hour and declared that I had nipple trauma (yay!), and that Kayla had a short frenulum. That's that little piece of skin that holds your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.
To get a proper latch, and to be able to feed without hurting mommy, the baby needs to extend her tongue down over her bottom gums. Kayla was unable to do this, and couldn't use her tongue to milk the breast properly.
The LC suggested we see a specialist to see about clipping her frenulum so that she'd be able to use her tongue properly and get a better latch. I was horrified at the idea and refused, determined to make it work without resorting to anything that seemed so drastic. Here I had this perfect, amazing baby, and I wasn't about to let anyone near her with sharp things.
So for the next two weeks, I alternated between pumping (every two hours, day and goddamn night, to keep my supply up), feeding with a nipple shield, and attempting every so often to feed her normally, directly on my breast. This whole ordeal was easily as physically challenging as the birth itself. I considered just switching to formula but every time I looked at the ingredients list for that shit, not to mention thought of the cheesy smell and all the amazing benefits I'd be cheating my daughter out of, I sucked it up and continued torturing myself.
In fact, the more I learned about breast milk and breastfeeding, the more amazed I was, and the more determined I became to make it work. Some of my favorite facts:
- The flavor of breast milk changes based on what you eat, which keeps baby interested in food and help establish a broader sense of taste. Breastfed babies often take to solid foods more quickly than formula fed babies because of this.
- Your baby benefits from your immune system. Before developing antibodies of her own, baby gets them from your breast milk. Breastfed babies generally get sick less often than formula fed ones.
- Breast milk changes as your baby ages. For example, it has a higher fat content when baby is younger and needs to put on the weight quickly. It's even perfect nutritionally for a baby that's born premature. It also changes from day to day, and from feeding to feeding, to meet your baby's needs in terms of nutrients and hydration. That means you don't need to think about whether baby is getting enough calories, enough water, etc. It's all there already in perfect balance.
- Breastfed babies are much less likely to develop food allergies. This was a major plus for me since my husband's family is plagued with them.
Finally I relented and went to see the specialist, and I am SO glad that we did. By that time I noticed that when Kayla stuck her tongue out, it had a bit of a heart shape to it because the middle was being pulled back by her short frenulum.
She gets this from me. I have a very short tongue. In elementary school boys would stick their tongue out at me and then make fun of me when I did it back because I could only stick out like half an inch. By high school the jokes turned into postulations on my lack of oral sex prowess, which I countered by explaining that a small tongue just meant there was more room in my mouth for other things. That shut 'em up.
ANYWAY.
The specialist explained that there aren't even any nerve endings in the frenulum, and that snipping it a little bit would be quick, painless, eliminate the possibility that she would need to switch to formula once I exhaust myself with current regimen, and possibly even save her from speech problems later on in life. I decided to do it, but I couldn't watch. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin stayed with her during the procedure while I hid in the bathroom.
When I came back in she was happy as a clam, and I was told I could feed her right away. Nothing to let bleed or heal, no swelling... just a happy baby ready to eat. And she did! For the very first time, I fed her normally, and there was (amazingly) NO PAIN. It's true that if breastfeeding hurts, you're not doing it right.
Since then it's been pretty smooth sailing. Sleeping is AWESOME now. When she gets hungry in the middle of the night, both of us hardly even have to wake up. She sleeps right next to me and when I hear her rooting, I just turn toward her and she latches on, and we both fall back asleep. It's a beautiful thing. I'm the best-rested mother of a three-month-old I know.
As as for providing comfort when she's fussy, nothing compares. Well, sometimes dad's arm will do for a little while...
... but he can only take so much of that before his arm starts to hurt.
I can't say I have any sympathy. =)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Way to encourage independent thought
The perfect way to say, "Hi! We just had a baby five minutes ago and have already started projecting our political view on her!"
http://babyshere.com/Littlest-Democrat-Girl-Birth-Announcement.html
Gross.
http://babyshere.com/Littlest-Democrat-Girl-Birth-Announcement.html
Gross.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Lines and Tiggers and Buffoons, Oh My!
You know Winnie the Pooh's friend Tigger? While standing on line at Babies-R-Us I witnessed the following.
Winnie the Pooh and Tigger costumes hang from a rack near the check-out lines in Babies-R-Us. Golden bears that say "Winnie" across the front, and orange cats that say "Tigger." The mom on line in front of me grabs one of the Tigger costumes and holds it up to her 2 or 3 year old daughter and says, "Look, honey! A tiger! Do you want to be a tiger for Halloween?"
I wonder if she realizes that's not really a tiger costume, but the character Tigger. Surely she'll notice the name on the front momentarily.
She did notice. And as she pointed to the T-I-G-G-E-R, she said, "Look, honey! Tiger! Can you say tiger?"
Wait... does this woman think...
"Say tiger, honey!" (pointing to the letters on the costume) "Tiiiiiiiiiigeeeeerrrrrrr..."
*sigh*
Winnie the Pooh and Tigger costumes hang from a rack near the check-out lines in Babies-R-Us. Golden bears that say "Winnie" across the front, and orange cats that say "Tigger." The mom on line in front of me grabs one of the Tigger costumes and holds it up to her 2 or 3 year old daughter and says, "Look, honey! A tiger! Do you want to be a tiger for Halloween?"
I wonder if she realizes that's not really a tiger costume, but the character Tigger. Surely she'll notice the name on the front momentarily.
She did notice. And as she pointed to the T-I-G-G-E-R, she said, "Look, honey! Tiger! Can you say tiger?"
Wait... does this woman think...
"Say tiger, honey!" (pointing to the letters on the costume) "Tiiiiiiiiiigeeeeerrrrrrr..."
*sigh*
Friday, September 19, 2008
Girls & Boys According to Feetie Pajamas
Went to the mall yesterday to buy feetie pajamas in anticipation of the autumn chill. The store had a "boys" rack and a "girls" rack. The pajamas on both racks were identical in terms of fabric, cut, and sizing. The differences were in theme.
On the boys rack: trucks, robots, puppies, spaceships, cars, and sports.
On the girls rack: hearts, flowers, kittens, crayons, more flowers, and more hearts.
Just sayin'.
On the boys rack: trucks, robots, puppies, spaceships, cars, and sports.
On the girls rack: hearts, flowers, kittens, crayons, more flowers, and more hearts.
Just sayin'.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
itzbeen fun
Sitting on the couch with my Kaylapie as she's looking and reaching toward the end table where a stuffed bear sits. I give her the bear--nothing. Still reaching for the table.
What did she want? She wanted to play with the itzbeen. Screw stuffed animals, she says, I want to push buttons and watch them light up.
That's my girl.
What did she want? She wanted to play with the itzbeen. Screw stuffed animals, she says, I want to push buttons and watch them light up.
That's my girl.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The Sweet Taste of Rotovirus
Yesterday's pediatric appointment for Kayla went better than I'd expected. After I'd explained the research I'd done and what my concerns were, our doctor was fine with us holding off on pretty much all of the vaccines. When we asked him what would happen if we refused all of the vaccines, he said two things:
First, that he would want to come up with a plan of action in the event of an exposure. I was so happy to hear that instead of something like, "then you'll have to find another doctor."
Second, when it comes time for her to go to school, he told us that he has written notes in the past for parents that refused the vaccine. The note would usually describe the research done by the parent and the reasons for their refusal, and he's never had anyone come back to him saying it didn't work.
He gave us the brand names of each vaccine he has available so that we could look up the ingredients of each of them specifically. In the meantime, we already knew we were fine with getting the drops in her mouth for Rotovirus, so we did that yesterday.
I held Kayla while he squeezed this clear liquid out of a tube into her mouth, which she promptly spit out. Most of the liquid went down her cheeks onto her neck, but the doctor said that was to be expected, and the amount that did stay in her mouth was enough.
It was enough alright... enough to get her screaming her head off. I had never seen her cry so hard before. I asked, "Why is it bothering her so much? Is it just the taste or does it burn or something?" He replied, "I'm not sure, but some babies do cry a lot. It's probably just because she's not used to the taste. Subsequent doses are usually a lot better."
So I did what any good mom would do and licked the remaining rotovirus vaccine off her neck so that I would know exactly what she was experiencing. Had I thought of it, I probably would have asked to taste the stuff before she had any. It didn't burn or hurt my mouth in any way, but it did taste NASTY. It was sweet, but not sweet like fruit or even sugar... more sweet like putting a whole pack of nutrasweet in your mouth and nothing else.
I tried to nurse her but she wasn't having it. I can't say I blame her; I wouldn't trust anyone to put anything in my mouth after that either. But a few minutes later after she calmed down we went outside and she nursed for about 10 minutes and calmed down. She's spitting up a little more than usual today but other than that, seems fine.
First, that he would want to come up with a plan of action in the event of an exposure. I was so happy to hear that instead of something like, "then you'll have to find another doctor."
Second, when it comes time for her to go to school, he told us that he has written notes in the past for parents that refused the vaccine. The note would usually describe the research done by the parent and the reasons for their refusal, and he's never had anyone come back to him saying it didn't work.
He gave us the brand names of each vaccine he has available so that we could look up the ingredients of each of them specifically. In the meantime, we already knew we were fine with getting the drops in her mouth for Rotovirus, so we did that yesterday.
I held Kayla while he squeezed this clear liquid out of a tube into her mouth, which she promptly spit out. Most of the liquid went down her cheeks onto her neck, but the doctor said that was to be expected, and the amount that did stay in her mouth was enough.
It was enough alright... enough to get her screaming her head off. I had never seen her cry so hard before. I asked, "Why is it bothering her so much? Is it just the taste or does it burn or something?" He replied, "I'm not sure, but some babies do cry a lot. It's probably just because she's not used to the taste. Subsequent doses are usually a lot better."
So I did what any good mom would do and licked the remaining rotovirus vaccine off her neck so that I would know exactly what she was experiencing. Had I thought of it, I probably would have asked to taste the stuff before she had any. It didn't burn or hurt my mouth in any way, but it did taste NASTY. It was sweet, but not sweet like fruit or even sugar... more sweet like putting a whole pack of nutrasweet in your mouth and nothing else.
I tried to nurse her but she wasn't having it. I can't say I blame her; I wouldn't trust anyone to put anything in my mouth after that either. But a few minutes later after she calmed down we went outside and she nursed for about 10 minutes and calmed down. She's spitting up a little more than usual today but other than that, seems fine.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Vaccines, Religion, Philosophy, and Science
I'm still trying to sort out this whole vaccine business, trying to find a happy medium between "do whatever the nice doctor tells you" and "don't let anyone near your kid with a syringe, it's all a scam."
Here's what I thought was a reasonable approach to deciding whether to get a particular vaccination for the Treefrog:
I will do some research. If the vaccine is shown to be safe (ie, the side effects are less likely and milder than contracting the disease it's supposed to protect against) and effective (ie, people who have been vaccinated don't subsequently get sick) then I will say "yes" to it.
Then I find out that most of the vaccinations have aluminum in them. In some cases, pretty large amounts. In studies done on metal toxicity, a safe amount is something like 5 micrograms per 2 lbs or so of body weight. Let's say a two month old baby weighs about 12 lbs... that would put the "safe" amount of aluminum at about 60 mcg.
The vaccines scheduled to be administered at two months old have anywhere between 130 to 640 mcg of aluminum. Each.
I'm not a doctor or a medical researcher or or a genius, but, WHAT THE SHIT?
Then when you look for justification for such large amounts of aluminum, you're told that they help the vaccines work better (which I'm sure is true). Look for reassurance that there are no long-term side effects, and you find that there haven't been any studies done to measure them. (Edit: Or have there?)
When I raises these questions with educated friends, they insisted that since the introduction of the various vaccines, the disease-related deaths have dropped dramatically, and continue to drop. That NOT vaccinating your kid is an irresponsible thing that only a Bad Parent would do.
So I did some more research... and I found that yes, the mortality rates for these diseases have been dropping ever since the introduction of the vaccine. But... they had been dropping at the same rate long BEFORE the vaccines were introduced:
So that tells me that it's not the vaccines themselves that are causing the mortality rate to decline, but something else, like maybe improved hygiene & medical care overall. (Remember soap?)
Then there are the vaccines against things which are not deadly. And this, I believe, is a gross misuse of the technology. Polio, yes. Hepatitis B? Maybe not for a newborn, but sure. But a vaccine for chickenpox? Seriously? Chickenpox is annoying, but not deadly. Hell, when I was a kid it was practically a right of passage. But now it's part of the standard vaccination schedule and it seems that we've traded the relatively benign Chickenpox for the much more serious Shingles.
Then I started looking into the implications are of refusing vaccines altogether, at least until I'm reasonably convinced that each one is safe, effective, and necessary.
If I want to send my child to school, my only option would be to try to claim a religious exemption. Some states have philosophical exemptions as well, but not New York.
So let me get this straight. My neighbor can walk into a school and say, "My religion forbids vaccines" and she's clear. But I can do hours upon hours of research, crunch numbers, gain as thorough an understanding of the manufacturing process and final ingredients of each vaccine as my limited training and background will allow and make an informed determination that it's not in my daughter's best interest to get them, and THAT'S NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH???
AAAARRRRGHH!!!!
Here's what I thought was a reasonable approach to deciding whether to get a particular vaccination for the Treefrog:
I will do some research. If the vaccine is shown to be safe (ie, the side effects are less likely and milder than contracting the disease it's supposed to protect against) and effective (ie, people who have been vaccinated don't subsequently get sick) then I will say "yes" to it.
Then I find out that most of the vaccinations have aluminum in them. In some cases, pretty large amounts. In studies done on metal toxicity, a safe amount is something like 5 micrograms per 2 lbs or so of body weight. Let's say a two month old baby weighs about 12 lbs... that would put the "safe" amount of aluminum at about 60 mcg.
The vaccines scheduled to be administered at two months old have anywhere between 130 to 640 mcg of aluminum. Each.
I'm not a doctor or a medical researcher or or a genius, but, WHAT THE SHIT?
Then when you look for justification for such large amounts of aluminum, you're told that they help the vaccines work better (which I'm sure is true). Look for reassurance that there are no long-term side effects, and you find that there haven't been any studies done to measure them. (Edit: Or have there?)
When I raises these questions with educated friends, they insisted that since the introduction of the various vaccines, the disease-related deaths have dropped dramatically, and continue to drop. That NOT vaccinating your kid is an irresponsible thing that only a Bad Parent would do.
So I did some more research... and I found that yes, the mortality rates for these diseases have been dropping ever since the introduction of the vaccine. But... they had been dropping at the same rate long BEFORE the vaccines were introduced:
So that tells me that it's not the vaccines themselves that are causing the mortality rate to decline, but something else, like maybe improved hygiene & medical care overall. (Remember soap?)
Then there are the vaccines against things which are not deadly. And this, I believe, is a gross misuse of the technology. Polio, yes. Hepatitis B? Maybe not for a newborn, but sure. But a vaccine for chickenpox? Seriously? Chickenpox is annoying, but not deadly. Hell, when I was a kid it was practically a right of passage. But now it's part of the standard vaccination schedule and it seems that we've traded the relatively benign Chickenpox for the much more serious Shingles.
Then I started looking into the implications are of refusing vaccines altogether, at least until I'm reasonably convinced that each one is safe, effective, and necessary.
If I want to send my child to school, my only option would be to try to claim a religious exemption. Some states have philosophical exemptions as well, but not New York.
So let me get this straight. My neighbor can walk into a school and say, "My religion forbids vaccines" and she's clear. But I can do hours upon hours of research, crunch numbers, gain as thorough an understanding of the manufacturing process and final ingredients of each vaccine as my limited training and background will allow and make an informed determination that it's not in my daughter's best interest to get them, and THAT'S NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH???
AAAARRRRGHH!!!!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Pumpin' in the Girl's Room
I had an interesting first-day-back-in-the-office today.
I'd forgotten how much commuting sucks. People who push, people who don't shower, people who listen to their music so loud it defeats the purpose of headphones, people who say stupid, offensive things loud enough for everyone to hear, people who hand out religious literature, and people who wear huge backpacks but move as though they don't. Oh, how I haven't missed you fuckers.
The Challenge of the Day was to figure out the logistics of pumping at work. I'd never been separated from Kayla for so long before, and I'd previously only pumped in comfort of my own home (and a few times in the car). The conference rooms were being used and I don't have an office with a door that closes, so I locked myself in the over-sized handicap-accessible stall in the lady's room and went to work.
It wasn't as disgusting as I'd anticipated. The bathrooms at my office are quite nice and well-maintained. They were renovated a few months ago and are extremely clean, unlike some of the nasty ghetto bathrooms of offices past. I was fairly self-conscious coming out of the stall with two bottles of milk & rinsing the pump parts off in the sink, but I figured, if whoever sees me has kids they'll sympathize, and if they don't, fuck 'em. (Yeah, I'm one of those people now.)
Toward the end of the day I had a discussion with my boss about the long-term telecommuting arrangement. We agreed on two days per week in the office, three days working from home, for the next 6 months. I am pleased.
Then he informed me that we have not one, not three, but TWO lactation rooms in the building! Super special secret rooms just for nursing moms so they don't have to do what I just stupidly did! With their own refrigerators so I don't have to store my breast milk next to Tony the maintenance guy's ham sandwich!
I don't expect it to be in the company newsletter, but I'd been in contact with HR at least a dozen times regarding my pregnancy, maternity leave, and return to work. You'd think they'd mention the lactation rooms at some point. But whatever, I'm thrilled that they exist and look forward to NOT having to pump in the bathroom stall ever again. And, with only having to go into the office two days a week for the next six months, I'm confident I can keep the babe 100% breast fed until she starts solids.
Feelin' good, feelin' good.
I'd forgotten how much commuting sucks. People who push, people who don't shower, people who listen to their music so loud it defeats the purpose of headphones, people who say stupid, offensive things loud enough for everyone to hear, people who hand out religious literature, and people who wear huge backpacks but move as though they don't. Oh, how I haven't missed you fuckers.
The Challenge of the Day was to figure out the logistics of pumping at work. I'd never been separated from Kayla for so long before, and I'd previously only pumped in comfort of my own home (and a few times in the car). The conference rooms were being used and I don't have an office with a door that closes, so I locked myself in the over-sized handicap-accessible stall in the lady's room and went to work.
It wasn't as disgusting as I'd anticipated. The bathrooms at my office are quite nice and well-maintained. They were renovated a few months ago and are extremely clean, unlike some of the nasty ghetto bathrooms of offices past. I was fairly self-conscious coming out of the stall with two bottles of milk & rinsing the pump parts off in the sink, but I figured, if whoever sees me has kids they'll sympathize, and if they don't, fuck 'em. (Yeah, I'm one of those people now.)
Toward the end of the day I had a discussion with my boss about the long-term telecommuting arrangement. We agreed on two days per week in the office, three days working from home, for the next 6 months. I am pleased.
Then he informed me that we have not one, not three, but TWO lactation rooms in the building! Super special secret rooms just for nursing moms so they don't have to do what I just stupidly did! With their own refrigerators so I don't have to store my breast milk next to Tony the maintenance guy's ham sandwich!
I don't expect it to be in the company newsletter, but I'd been in contact with HR at least a dozen times regarding my pregnancy, maternity leave, and return to work. You'd think they'd mention the lactation rooms at some point. But whatever, I'm thrilled that they exist and look forward to NOT having to pump in the bathroom stall ever again. And, with only having to go into the office two days a week for the next six months, I'm confident I can keep the babe 100% breast fed until she starts solids.
Feelin' good, feelin' good.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Girls & Boys According to Catalogs
Some facts about a children's clothing & fantasy/dress up catalog I got in the mail:
Dress-up/Pretend Themes featured:
astronauts, beach, clowns, cowboy/cowgirl, dinosaurs, eco-adventure/rugged terrain, fairy, fire fighter, monsters, pirate, princess, auto racing, rock band, tea party
Total images of Boys in the catalog:
55
Total images of Girls in the catalog:
62
Percent of Girls in skirts or dresses:
87
Themes which featured NO boys at all:
fairy, tea party
Themes which featured NO girls at all:
astronauts, dinosaurs, fire fighters, monsters, auto racing
Just sayin'.
Dress-up/Pretend Themes featured:
astronauts, beach, clowns, cowboy/cowgirl, dinosaurs, eco-adventure/rugged terrain, fairy, fire fighter, monsters, pirate, princess, auto racing, rock band, tea party
Total images of Boys in the catalog:
55
Total images of Girls in the catalog:
62
Percent of Girls in skirts or dresses:
87
Themes which featured NO boys at all:
fairy, tea party
Themes which featured NO girls at all:
astronauts, dinosaurs, fire fighters, monsters, auto racing
Just sayin'.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Relationship Genetics
http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/09/study-for-men-g.html
According to a study published by Proceedings of the National Academies of Science, men with one or more varients of a particular gene are more likely to have relationship problems.
One of the most interesting and terrifying things about the potential for genetic engineering and genetic behavioral decoding has been tapped into by Hollywood in movies such as Gattaca and Brave New World.
They always address it on a macro level. Big government decides your worth after evaluating your genes. More terrifying than this, to me, is what it would mean on a micro level. For example, a woman using the behavior of a man's father to judge how worthy he is of a relationship. ("His father left his mother 10 years ago. He's probably got The Gene.")
According to a study published by Proceedings of the National Academies of Science, men with one or more varients of a particular gene are more likely to have relationship problems.
One of the most interesting and terrifying things about the potential for genetic engineering and genetic behavioral decoding has been tapped into by Hollywood in movies such as Gattaca and Brave New World.
They always address it on a macro level. Big government decides your worth after evaluating your genes. More terrifying than this, to me, is what it would mean on a micro level. For example, a woman using the behavior of a man's father to judge how worthy he is of a relationship. ("His father left his mother 10 years ago. He's probably got The Gene.")
Monday, September 1, 2008
Unsolicited Advice for First Time Moms
Read at least as much material on the moments and days immediately after childbirth as you do about preparing for the birth itself. You won't have time to catch up when the time comes.
Don't watch the birth shows on the medical cable channels. They are designed for ratings. That means that of the hundreds of births they film, they will air the most "dramatic" ones, giving you a very distorted view of what a typical birth is like. Instead, watch births (especially home births & natural births) on YouTube. I know it sounds gross, but you'll get a much better idea of the reality of what childbirth is like than the edited-for-maximum-advertising-revenue version.
Try to witness at least one mother breastfeeding successfully before you give birth. Talk to people who are successful at it and ignore those who weren't. Hire a lactation consultant to come visit you in the hospital the day after the birth, even if you're sure you won't need one.
Room in. Keeping your baby with you in the hospital while you recover may seem like extra work that you're not up for, but the confidence it gives you when you're back home is well worth it. You'll want to be there the first time your baby has a coughing fit or screams suddenly or does any number of scary things so that you can get first hand experience handling it in the presence of professionals.
Prepare your partner for the worst, but be your best. Apologize in advance for all the horrible things you will do and say to him (or her), and then do your best to NOT live up to that picture.
Be nice to the nurses, even if they're annoying the shit out of you. To do a job like that every day it's easiest to just turn off your compassion, but it's harder to do that when they actually empathize with you and like you.
At some point during labor, even if you're not drugged up beyond coherence, you will feel like you are. Don't be afraid of that feeling; relish in it. It's what will get you through the next couple of hours and leave you wondering why you were so worried about giving birth.
If possible, have someone there to take pictures, if not during, then immediately after the birth. Later you won't believe how beautiful that slimey, wrinkly little thing was, and wonder if you're remembering it correctly.
If the hospital offers the option of a private recovery room at an extra expense, and it won't break the bank, go for it. Or, ask friends to contribute money toward a private recovery room at your baby shower. (Much more useful than the 20th through 80th pink or blue size NB onesies.)
Have a birth plan. Those who say that the term "birth plan" is an oxymoron don't understand the definition of the word "plan," and probably aren't very good at "planning." Don't you look up directions to a place you've never been before, even though there's a possibility that some of those roads will be closed? More on birth plans in a future post.
Try to witness at least one mother breastfeeding successfully before you give birth. Talk to people who are successful at it and ignore those who weren't. Hire a lactation consultant to come visit you in the hospital the day after the birth, even if you're sure you won't need one.
Room in. Keeping your baby with you in the hospital while you recover may seem like extra work that you're not up for, but the confidence it gives you when you're back home is well worth it. You'll want to be there the first time your baby has a coughing fit or screams suddenly or does any number of scary things so that you can get first hand experience handling it in the presence of professionals.
Prepare your partner for the worst, but be your best. Apologize in advance for all the horrible things you will do and say to him (or her), and then do your best to NOT live up to that picture.
Be nice to the nurses, even if they're annoying the shit out of you. To do a job like that every day it's easiest to just turn off your compassion, but it's harder to do that when they actually empathize with you and like you.
At some point during labor, even if you're not drugged up beyond coherence, you will feel like you are. Don't be afraid of that feeling; relish in it. It's what will get you through the next couple of hours and leave you wondering why you were so worried about giving birth.
If possible, have someone there to take pictures, if not during, then immediately after the birth. Later you won't believe how beautiful that slimey, wrinkly little thing was, and wonder if you're remembering it correctly.
If the hospital offers the option of a private recovery room at an extra expense, and it won't break the bank, go for it. Or, ask friends to contribute money toward a private recovery room at your baby shower. (Much more useful than the 20th through 80th pink or blue size NB onesies.)
Have a birth plan. Those who say that the term "birth plan" is an oxymoron don't understand the definition of the word "plan," and probably aren't very good at "planning." Don't you look up directions to a place you've never been before, even though there's a possibility that some of those roads will be closed? More on birth plans in a future post.
Irony:
Swearing never to feed your daughter formula again because it makes her smell like parmesan cheese, and then accidentally spilling some on her while simultaneously nursing and eating spaghetti.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Breastfeeding Math: Why Returning to Work and Pumping is a Shitty, Shitty Option
After a long, difficult struggle that I'll save for another post, Kayla and I have finally got this nursing/breasfeeding thing DOWN. What was at first one of the most intimidating aspects of motherhood is now one of my favorite. I won't get into all the amazing benefits of breastfeeding here, but suffice it to say it's a critical part of our relationship, nourishing & soothing her while reinforcing my confidence as parent.
I've spoken to a few women who, after having established a good breastfeeding routine at home while on maternity leave, have had to start supplementing with formula once they went back to work. So as much as I enjoy my job and love my company, I dread being separated from my Treefrog for up to 10 or 11 hours at a time, not only because I'll miss the hell out of her, but because it's likely to damage the nursing relationship.
Let's assume for the moment that the bonding aspect of breastfeeding isn't even an issue. IT IS SO an issue! But let's pretend it's not, and just focus on the nutritional aspects. The goal is to continue exclusively feeding breast milk to baby upon return to work. This is typically accomplished by using a pump.
Consider the following truths:
In my case, formula isn't an option because A) there's a strong history of food allergies in dad's family and B) formula is gross and makes my baby smell like cheese.
For each day that I'm in the office, I'll need to spend about 1.5 - 2 hours locked in an office somewhere expressing breast milk in order to keep up with the Treefrog's demand. Not the most efficient use of my time, or the company's time for that matter.
Returning to work and pumping is a shitty, shitty option for all involved.
I've requested permission to telecommute full time, and my boss agreed to a one-month trial of this arrangement. I'm extremely fortunate to work for an organization and a boss so flexible, and I hope I can prove in that first month that it's a viable arrangement long-term. I only wish more moms had such options.
I've spoken to a few women who, after having established a good breastfeeding routine at home while on maternity leave, have had to start supplementing with formula once they went back to work. So as much as I enjoy my job and love my company, I dread being separated from my Treefrog for up to 10 or 11 hours at a time, not only because I'll miss the hell out of her, but because it's likely to damage the nursing relationship.
Let's assume for the moment that the bonding aspect of breastfeeding isn't even an issue. IT IS SO an issue! But let's pretend it's not, and just focus on the nutritional aspects. The goal is to continue exclusively feeding breast milk to baby upon return to work. This is typically accomplished by using a pump.
Consider the following truths:
- Milk production is driven by symbiosis. Mom's supply changes in response to the frequency and nature of baby's suckling.
- If everything goes well from the beginning, it takes about 12 weeks to establish the milk supply. (KellyMom.com has a great explanation of this process.)
- The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) allows a new mom to be absent from her job for up to 12 weeks total, not necessarily with any compensation for that time.
- No pump, no matter how advanced or expensive, is as efficient at emptying the breast as a well-latched baby.
- No formula, no matter how advanced or expensive, comes close to the nutritional value of breast milk.
- When Kayla is NOT having a growth spurt, she gets hungry about every 3 hours.
- When she IS having a growth spurt, she's hungry every 1-2 hours. (Yeah, seriously.)
- It takes her about 10 minutes to empty a breast. One breast typically satiates her, she'll rarely take the second if offered.
- If I pump for 10 minutes every 3 hours, I get about 2.5 ounces per breast.
- If she has a bottle every 3 hours, she drinks about 3.5 ounces before she's satisfied.
In my case, formula isn't an option because A) there's a strong history of food allergies in dad's family and B) formula is gross and makes my baby smell like cheese.
For each day that I'm in the office, I'll need to spend about 1.5 - 2 hours locked in an office somewhere expressing breast milk in order to keep up with the Treefrog's demand. Not the most efficient use of my time, or the company's time for that matter.
Returning to work and pumping is a shitty, shitty option for all involved.
I've requested permission to telecommute full time, and my boss agreed to a one-month trial of this arrangement. I'm extremely fortunate to work for an organization and a boss so flexible, and I hope I can prove in that first month that it's a viable arrangement long-term. I only wish more moms had such options.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Babywearing: The Quest for the Right Baby Carrier; a product comparison
If I can't remember how to cook pasta it's because that space in my brain is now occupied by baby carrier product comparisons.
Babies LOVE to be carried, and I don't know how I would survive without being able to wear Kayla and still have a hand or two free to check my email or lift some food to my mouth. I bought about 8 of them & returned 3. I know that sounds like overkill, but if some of my girlfriends (and one good male friend of mine) can have 87 pairs of shoes, I feel justified in having 5 different baby carriers. Each has advantages in different stages & situations.
Nearly all manufacturers will tell you that theirs is "the only carrier you'll ever need," but that's just marketing bullshit.
To save you a few trips to the store or post office making returns, here are some things you should do/consider before buying any carrier:
Thankfully, with Attachment Parenting and babywearing gaining in popularity, more and more baby carriers are becoming available, increasingly the likelihood that you'll find one you'll love and not need to get a bigger house for all your carriers like I probably will some day.
Here are some of the terms you'll hear used to describe the various styles of baby carrier & my two cents on each of them. Some are just re-branded classics, but some are actually new designs that don't really fit into the traditional categories of sling/wrap/backpack:
Sling - This is a generic term used to describe pretty much any carrier that goes over your shoulder & can be used for a cradle hold.
Wrap - Another generic term. I hear a lot of moms use "sling" and "wrap" interchangeably to talk about baby carriers in general. For example, a Maya Wrap is actually a sling.
Ring Sling - This is a specific type of sling which has rings that you can use to adjust the fit. Some of you may have had belts that closed this way in the 80's. The Maya Wrap is the most popular brand, but there's also The Original Sears BabySling, ZoloWear, and TaylorMade, to name a few.
Advantages: 1. Many ring slings come in light, breathable fabrics. 2. They are extremely versatile. 3. They're relatively easy to breastfeed in. 4. The tail of the wrap can be used as a blanket for extra coverage in the event of modesty or wind. 5. Major hippie cred.
Disadvantages: 1. It takes a while to get the hang of getting baby in and out of a sling wrap, and you have to spend time adjusting it for comfort each and every time you put it on. 2. Newborns tend to get a bit lost in them because there's a lot of fabric to contend with. 3. Major hippie cred.
So far my girl will only stay in hers while she's sleeping because she can't move around in it much, but I think that'll change when she's big enough to sit with her head, legs and arms hanging out of it.
Stretch Wrap - These aren't adjustable per se, but they are made of elastic and make for a snug, comfortable fit for most infants.
The Baby Nest was perfect for me during the first couple of weeks, but now it's too confining and my active little Treefrog screams when I try to put her in it. Keep in mind that she only liked being swaddled for the first week of her life, and I'm not sure how typical that is. I'm guessing many babies would do well with a stretch wrap for much longer than mine did. I'd recommend a stretch wrap as a baby shower gift since it's great for carrying newborns. The Moby Wrap is the one I see most often.
Pouch - Basically a plain, non-stretchy, non-adjustable piece of fabric that has a curved shape to it to hold baby.
Advantages: Very easy to put on & take off because you don't have to do any adjusting.
Disadvantages: You have to make sure you get the right size, or it'll either be too tight & uncomfortable for baby, or too loose and you won't feel like she's being properly supported. Also, you or baby will eventually grow out of it.
The most popular brands of pouch-type slings (around where I live anyway) are Munchkin Jelly Bean and the Peanut Shell. Also try Slinglings or Kangaroo Korner.
Upright or Backpack Carrier - These are carriers that look something like backpacks and hold baby in an upright or seated position. Note that I'm not referring to framed carriers here-- I'm talking soft carriers with shoulder straps & in some cases, hip support.
One of the most popular upright carriers is the Baby Bjorn. Bjorn makes a few different styles now, including one that's made of lighter, more breathable material. Infantino makes an almost identical carrier. Both are easy (in my opinion) to get baby in and out of, and baby likes the fact that she can see everything you see and move her limbs around while being carried. These and similar types can be used on the front or the back, with baby facing you or facing out when used in the front position. I should mention, though, that there's been some controversy over this type of carrier because of the potential for spinal compression. Also, baby is basically being held by the crotch, which may not be great for boys especially.
Some good alternatives are the Ergo Baby Carrier and the Ellaroo Mei Tai. They both form more of a seat for your baby, eliminating the spinal compression/crotch crunch problems. The also distribute baby's weight more evenly and are usually more comfortable. The Ergo in particular gets rave reviews and can also be used in a hip position. It ain't pretty, but it's EXTREMELY functional.
Framed Backpack Carrier - Framed carriers are those huge things you'll see crunchy dads using to tote their little ones around on hikes. They're not really for everyday babywearing, but I'm including them here for the sake of completeness. If you like to go hiking and want to bring baby along, you can check out the Kelty or Chicco frame carriers.
Mei Tai - A Mei Tai is an Asian wrap that's similar to a backpack carrier but not quite as plug-and-play. They're definitely prettier than a Bjorn or an Ergo, but they require more skill to put on. You can mix & match straps & fabrics at meitaibaby.com, or pick a canned one at Ellaroo.
Hip Carrier - As the name implies, it's a carrier that supports baby while she sits on your hip. I personally haven't tried one of these yet, and am probably not going to since many upright carriers can be adjusted to be worn on the hip anyway. The one I was considering was the Ellaroo Mei Hip.
Cargo thingy dingy - I don't know if there's even a separate name for this one yet, but one of my favorite style of carrier right now is this adjustable sling-looking thingy with mesh sides and elastic rails. Unlike all of the carriers mentioned above, you put baby into the carrier first, and then put the carrier on you. It's very roomy so baby can move around, and has velcro straps that hold baby in place so she doesn't slide down as you're walking.
The one that I own is the Infantino SlingRider, but the Munchkin Jellybean Cargo Sling is pretty much the exact same thing with more pockets. Boppy makes one with a second strap to help distribute weight across both shoulders, but I found that this tends to ride up and put pressure on your neck so I returned it.
IMPORTANT: If you buy the Infantino SlingRider, make sure it's the newer version with the secure adjustment clip. The old version was recalled for being a fall hazard. In fact a few of these carriers have multiple iterations; most are just design improvements for convenience but you should always make sure you're buying the latest one in case safety improvements are made.
Well, there you have it. If you're in the market for a baby carrier, kudos for your decision to keep baby with you, and I hope this helps you navigate the marketplace a bit. When you find the right carrier for you and your baby, you'll both love the convenience and the closeness it facilitates. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to relearn how to cook pasta.
Babies LOVE to be carried, and I don't know how I would survive without being able to wear Kayla and still have a hand or two free to check my email or lift some food to my mouth. I bought about 8 of them & returned 3. I know that sounds like overkill, but if some of my girlfriends (and one good male friend of mine) can have 87 pairs of shoes, I feel justified in having 5 different baby carriers. Each has advantages in different stages & situations.
Nearly all manufacturers will tell you that theirs is "the only carrier you'll ever need," but that's just marketing bullshit.
To save you a few trips to the store or post office making returns, here are some things you should do/consider before buying any carrier:
- Form vs. Function: I've been finding that the beauty of a carrier is inversely proportional to it's usefulness. Also, the importance of the beauty of a carrier is inversely proportional to the age of your baby. I wanted something really stylish when I first came home from the hospital, but after two days of fussing with rings and adjustment straps I realized that what I really needed was something that I could get Treefrog in & out of QUICKLY, and that unless I'm going someplace formal, I really don't care what it looks like.
- How developed is your baby? Does she hold her head up on her own? Does she let her legs stretch out or does she still curl up into a little ball when you hold her? Consider what parts of baby need how much support in order for her to be comfortable.
- How much does baby weigh, and how strong are your arms & back? Different carriers distribute baby's weight differently. What's comfortable for you at 6lbs. may kill at 15.
- Season/Climate: You can always add a blanket or cover in cold weather. But warm weather + non-breathable fabric = hot, cranky baby!
- If possible, attend a babywearing class. Many baby stores and birth centers offer classes in babywearing and have a few different kinds of carriers you can try on while you're there. If that's not possible, find friends who already have carriers you can try on, or just look on the manufacturer's websites or on You Tube for how-to videos of the carrier you're interested in. Sometimes seeing what's involved in getting your kid secured & comfortable will give you some idea whether it's a good fit for you.
- Don't worry so much about brand. Focus on choosing a design that fits your needs first, and then check out the various brands that make that type of carrier. Once you narrow down the type of carrier you want, the main difference between brands is the fabrics & colors they come in.
- Don't underestimate the the importance of versatility! Baby is growing and changing before your eyes, and what works one day may not work the next.
Thankfully, with Attachment Parenting and babywearing gaining in popularity, more and more baby carriers are becoming available, increasingly the likelihood that you'll find one you'll love and not need to get a bigger house for all your carriers like I probably will some day.
Here are some of the terms you'll hear used to describe the various styles of baby carrier & my two cents on each of them. Some are just re-branded classics, but some are actually new designs that don't really fit into the traditional categories of sling/wrap/backpack:
Sling - This is a generic term used to describe pretty much any carrier that goes over your shoulder & can be used for a cradle hold.
Wrap - Another generic term. I hear a lot of moms use "sling" and "wrap" interchangeably to talk about baby carriers in general. For example, a Maya Wrap is actually a sling.
Ring Sling - This is a specific type of sling which has rings that you can use to adjust the fit. Some of you may have had belts that closed this way in the 80's. The Maya Wrap is the most popular brand, but there's also The Original Sears BabySling, ZoloWear, and TaylorMade, to name a few.
Advantages: 1. Many ring slings come in light, breathable fabrics. 2. They are extremely versatile. 3. They're relatively easy to breastfeed in. 4. The tail of the wrap can be used as a blanket for extra coverage in the event of modesty or wind. 5. Major hippie cred.
Disadvantages: 1. It takes a while to get the hang of getting baby in and out of a sling wrap, and you have to spend time adjusting it for comfort each and every time you put it on. 2. Newborns tend to get a bit lost in them because there's a lot of fabric to contend with. 3. Major hippie cred.
So far my girl will only stay in hers while she's sleeping because she can't move around in it much, but I think that'll change when she's big enough to sit with her head, legs and arms hanging out of it.
Stretch Wrap - These aren't adjustable per se, but they are made of elastic and make for a snug, comfortable fit for most infants.
The Baby Nest was perfect for me during the first couple of weeks, but now it's too confining and my active little Treefrog screams when I try to put her in it. Keep in mind that she only liked being swaddled for the first week of her life, and I'm not sure how typical that is. I'm guessing many babies would do well with a stretch wrap for much longer than mine did. I'd recommend a stretch wrap as a baby shower gift since it's great for carrying newborns. The Moby Wrap is the one I see most often.
Pouch - Basically a plain, non-stretchy, non-adjustable piece of fabric that has a curved shape to it to hold baby.
Advantages: Very easy to put on & take off because you don't have to do any adjusting.
Disadvantages: You have to make sure you get the right size, or it'll either be too tight & uncomfortable for baby, or too loose and you won't feel like she's being properly supported. Also, you or baby will eventually grow out of it.
The most popular brands of pouch-type slings (around where I live anyway) are Munchkin Jelly Bean and the Peanut Shell. Also try Slinglings or Kangaroo Korner.
Upright or Backpack Carrier - These are carriers that look something like backpacks and hold baby in an upright or seated position. Note that I'm not referring to framed carriers here-- I'm talking soft carriers with shoulder straps & in some cases, hip support.
One of the most popular upright carriers is the Baby Bjorn. Bjorn makes a few different styles now, including one that's made of lighter, more breathable material. Infantino makes an almost identical carrier. Both are easy (in my opinion) to get baby in and out of, and baby likes the fact that she can see everything you see and move her limbs around while being carried. These and similar types can be used on the front or the back, with baby facing you or facing out when used in the front position. I should mention, though, that there's been some controversy over this type of carrier because of the potential for spinal compression. Also, baby is basically being held by the crotch, which may not be great for boys especially.
Some good alternatives are the Ergo Baby Carrier and the Ellaroo Mei Tai. They both form more of a seat for your baby, eliminating the spinal compression/crotch crunch problems. The also distribute baby's weight more evenly and are usually more comfortable. The Ergo in particular gets rave reviews and can also be used in a hip position. It ain't pretty, but it's EXTREMELY functional.
Framed Backpack Carrier - Framed carriers are those huge things you'll see crunchy dads using to tote their little ones around on hikes. They're not really for everyday babywearing, but I'm including them here for the sake of completeness. If you like to go hiking and want to bring baby along, you can check out the Kelty or Chicco frame carriers.
Mei Tai - A Mei Tai is an Asian wrap that's similar to a backpack carrier but not quite as plug-and-play. They're definitely prettier than a Bjorn or an Ergo, but they require more skill to put on. You can mix & match straps & fabrics at meitaibaby.com, or pick a canned one at Ellaroo.
Hip Carrier - As the name implies, it's a carrier that supports baby while she sits on your hip. I personally haven't tried one of these yet, and am probably not going to since many upright carriers can be adjusted to be worn on the hip anyway. The one I was considering was the Ellaroo Mei Hip.
Cargo thingy dingy - I don't know if there's even a separate name for this one yet, but one of my favorite style of carrier right now is this adjustable sling-looking thingy with mesh sides and elastic rails. Unlike all of the carriers mentioned above, you put baby into the carrier first, and then put the carrier on you. It's very roomy so baby can move around, and has velcro straps that hold baby in place so she doesn't slide down as you're walking.
The one that I own is the Infantino SlingRider, but the Munchkin Jellybean Cargo Sling is pretty much the exact same thing with more pockets. Boppy makes one with a second strap to help distribute weight across both shoulders, but I found that this tends to ride up and put pressure on your neck so I returned it.
IMPORTANT: If you buy the Infantino SlingRider, make sure it's the newer version with the secure adjustment clip. The old version was recalled for being a fall hazard. In fact a few of these carriers have multiple iterations; most are just design improvements for convenience but you should always make sure you're buying the latest one in case safety improvements are made.
Well, there you have it. If you're in the market for a baby carrier, kudos for your decision to keep baby with you, and I hope this helps you navigate the marketplace a bit. When you find the right carrier for you and your baby, you'll both love the convenience and the closeness it facilitates. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to relearn how to cook pasta.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Rickets
Interesting:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/26/health/research/26rick.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin
...though I wonder why more Vitamin D for mom and more time in the sun (with appropriate protection of course) isn't proposed as a solution?
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/26/health/research/26rick.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin
...though I wonder why more Vitamin D for mom and more time in the sun (with appropriate protection of course) isn't proposed as a solution?
Bobble Heads
Things I didn't "get" until I had a kid of my own #8,712: "Baby On Board" signs. You hardly see them any more because after they were useful, they became a fad and then finally a joke:
I love ya George, but you're a bit of a dick on this one. The sign isn't there to tell other people that they should drive more carefully because I've got a kid on board, it's to explain why I'm driving more carefully.
I realized this the first time I drove by myself with Kayla. Itty bitty babies have delicate necks and no head control, so if you take a turn too fast their little heads whip back and forth. (And by "too fast" I mean normal speed by any other standards.) Too much of this can cause serious damage to an infant's neck, head and brain.
Until a few weeks ago I'd always had Robin in the car with me, so one of us would drive & the other would be in the back with baby to fix her head when needed. But this time I had to pull over twice in the first 15 minutes of my trip to fix her head after it flopped forward. I have those little pads that you prop on either side of baby's head to keep it from flopping around *too* much, but that only helps so much.
So after learning how slowly I had to take a turn to keep her head from flopping, I now had to deal with every driver behind me at every turn honking and yelling at me as they cut me off. At first I thought, "I should get one of those "Baby On Board" signs so they'd know why I was taking the turn so slowly... maybe then they'd chill the fuck out. Crap, did I just seriously consider that?" Then I thought, "No wait, even if I do that, they'll just think I'm an asshole a la George Carlin sketch." Finally I landed on, "Fuck these people, let 'em yell. Obviously they don't have kids. They wouldn't understand."
Yeah. I'm becoming one of *those* people. WHAT.
I love ya George, but you're a bit of a dick on this one. The sign isn't there to tell other people that they should drive more carefully because I've got a kid on board, it's to explain why I'm driving more carefully.
I realized this the first time I drove by myself with Kayla. Itty bitty babies have delicate necks and no head control, so if you take a turn too fast their little heads whip back and forth. (And by "too fast" I mean normal speed by any other standards.) Too much of this can cause serious damage to an infant's neck, head and brain.
Until a few weeks ago I'd always had Robin in the car with me, so one of us would drive & the other would be in the back with baby to fix her head when needed. But this time I had to pull over twice in the first 15 minutes of my trip to fix her head after it flopped forward. I have those little pads that you prop on either side of baby's head to keep it from flopping around *too* much, but that only helps so much.
So after learning how slowly I had to take a turn to keep her head from flopping, I now had to deal with every driver behind me at every turn honking and yelling at me as they cut me off. At first I thought, "I should get one of those "Baby On Board" signs so they'd know why I was taking the turn so slowly... maybe then they'd chill the fuck out. Crap, did I just seriously consider that?" Then I thought, "No wait, even if I do that, they'll just think I'm an asshole a la George Carlin sketch." Finally I landed on, "Fuck these people, let 'em yell. Obviously they don't have kids. They wouldn't understand."
Yeah. I'm becoming one of *those* people. WHAT.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Pornography
Old News: You've probably already heard about the controversy surrounding a 2006 BabyTalk Magazine cover pictured here. I just came across it myself and thought I'd weigh in a few years too late because after all, the internet is for complaining to anyone who'll listen. This particular image is quite old, but the debate on whether nursing (be it live or in pictures) should be on public display is as lively as ever.I want to make clear that I think this type of display is totally inappropriate.
As one mom put it, "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Amen, sister! After all, you wouldn't want them to get confused and think they were about to have sex.
Another woman shed light on the male psyche. "Men are very visual... When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast, regardless of what it's being used for."
It's true. When a man sees a breast, he does indeed see a breast. This is indisputable.
Some have tried to justify allowing this kind of trash on newsstands by comparing it to other magazine covers, claiming that it is tasteful by comparison and not nearly as graphic. I believe this to be an attempt to deceive and confuse concerned citizens like myself, and would like to clear up any confusion on the issue right here and now.
See the difference? The magazine cover on the left is NOT offensive or sexually charged, because this woman is an ATHLETE. Any exposure of her body is obviously purely for academic purposes.
Here's another example.
Ah, TV Guide. Now THERE'S a magazine every God-fearing American should have a lifetime subscription to. The issue shown above is the Family Values Edition, featuring J-Love's mind-blowing all-nude talk show. I feel guilty displaying it next this "baby" (UGH) "eating" (GROSS).
Let's do one more just to make sure we're all clear on what constitutes acceptable newsstand material.
I hope that the folks over at BabyTalk, their sister publication Parenting Magazine, and their parent company Bonnier Corporation understand the depth of their mistake in putting such an offensive image on the cover of a mainstream magazine. Hopefully they won't make a habit of such displays, or people may actually come to see nursing as a natural, normal part of motherhood rather than the shameful act of lewdness that it is.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Bed Wetting Alarm.... Seriously?
I came across this product while searching for some unrelated stuff for Kayla, who is now 7 weeks old.
My first thought was, are you fucking kidding me? After all alarms are usually meant to alert us of things like break-ins where the appropriate response is to pounce on and arrest/beat the person who set off the alarm. Being completely ignorant to how this product is supposed to work, I have this image in my head of some poor kid wetting the bed in his sleep, the alarm going off and his parents bursting in saying, "Ah-HA! You just wet the bed! Shame on you!"
But research confirms that I'm an idiot, because this is how it really works:
Child wets the bed, and the alarm detects the wetness and goes off. This may be a sound but it can also be set to vibrate. You use whichever is more likely to wake the child up as quickly as possible. Child, upon waking, stops peeing and goes immediately to the bathroom to finish. Over time it trains the child to recognize his elimination cues in his sleep so that he stops wetting the bed sooner than he would have otherwise grown out of it.
Oh! That... actually sounds like a really good solution. Yay, I learned something!
My first thought was, are you fucking kidding me? After all alarms are usually meant to alert us of things like break-ins where the appropriate response is to pounce on and arrest/beat the person who set off the alarm. Being completely ignorant to how this product is supposed to work, I have this image in my head of some poor kid wetting the bed in his sleep, the alarm going off and his parents bursting in saying, "Ah-HA! You just wet the bed! Shame on you!"
But research confirms that I'm an idiot, because this is how it really works:
Child wets the bed, and the alarm detects the wetness and goes off. This may be a sound but it can also be set to vibrate. You use whichever is more likely to wake the child up as quickly as possible. Child, upon waking, stops peeing and goes immediately to the bathroom to finish. Over time it trains the child to recognize his elimination cues in his sleep so that he stops wetting the bed sooner than he would have otherwise grown out of it.
Oh! That... actually sounds like a really good solution. Yay, I learned something!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Now that I'm a mother, I know EVERYTHING.
That is how it works, right? Because if it's not, I will be more disappointed than when I discovered that teenage-hood did not render me omnipotent. Even more disappointed than when I learned that college, too, had fairly little value in the grand scheme of things.
But this time it's different, because everyone knows that moms know best. After all, becoming a mother is a life-changing experience. So here I am, and in a display of selfless generosity only a mother can achieve, I will share my newly acquired wisdom with you, dear reader.
Are you buying this at all? Yeah, me neither. Lemme start over.
Hi, I'm a new mom. My baby is 6 weeks old. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I have NO idea what the fuck I'm doing.
My husband and I, in our past lives, spent most of our time geeking out by reading/watching SciFi, building things, playing chess, and obsessing over the daily minutiae of our tech jobs (I'm an IT manager, he's a network engineer). For the most part, we totally had our shit together. Now we've got a baby, and out of necessity as much as desire, we geek out on parenting. During my pregnancy I read about 40 books, talked to countless other moms, and spent more time on line than I care to mention researching everything from amnios to zygotes. Now I'm doing the same with topics like breastfeeding, infant development, vaccines, etc., etc.. And of course, I'm getting on-the-job training courtesy of my gorgeous daughter. My goal, of course, is to produce a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, capable young woman. And as a bonus I get to litter the internet with more rants, random observations and self-indulgent tangents along the way. You're welcome!
Obviously being a mother doesn't automatically make a person any smarter, wiser or more interesting. In fact, lately I've been feeling pretty fucking dull in every respect. But I am definitely seeing the world through new (albeit bloodshot) eyes. It's all rather fascinating to me, and rather than subjecting people to it unwillingly via my desire to go on and on about everything I'm learning, I'm sharing in a more passive way by posting stuff here. Read (or don't) and enjoy (or don't)!
But this time it's different, because everyone knows that moms know best. After all, becoming a mother is a life-changing experience. So here I am, and in a display of selfless generosity only a mother can achieve, I will share my newly acquired wisdom with you, dear reader.
Are you buying this at all? Yeah, me neither. Lemme start over.
Hi, I'm a new mom. My baby is 6 weeks old. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I have NO idea what the fuck I'm doing.
My husband and I, in our past lives, spent most of our time geeking out by reading/watching SciFi, building things, playing chess, and obsessing over the daily minutiae of our tech jobs (I'm an IT manager, he's a network engineer). For the most part, we totally had our shit together. Now we've got a baby, and out of necessity as much as desire, we geek out on parenting. During my pregnancy I read about 40 books, talked to countless other moms, and spent more time on line than I care to mention researching everything from amnios to zygotes. Now I'm doing the same with topics like breastfeeding, infant development, vaccines, etc., etc.. And of course, I'm getting on-the-job training courtesy of my gorgeous daughter. My goal, of course, is to produce a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, capable young woman. And as a bonus I get to litter the internet with more rants, random observations and self-indulgent tangents along the way. You're welcome!
Obviously being a mother doesn't automatically make a person any smarter, wiser or more interesting. In fact, lately I've been feeling pretty fucking dull in every respect. But I am definitely seeing the world through new (albeit bloodshot) eyes. It's all rather fascinating to me, and rather than subjecting people to it unwillingly via my desire to go on and on about everything I'm learning, I'm sharing in a more passive way by posting stuff here. Read (or don't) and enjoy (or don't)!
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