And how was your Thanksgiving weekend?

I have a separate mini-freezer where we keep all the extra milk that I pump to feed Kayla while I'm at work. It took me months to build up the supply, and we had enough in there to feed her for about a week if I wasn't able to for any reason. On Tuesday, Hubby must have not closed the door all the way when he got some out for her while I was at work, because on Wednesday when I went to put some away, the door was open a crack and all the milk was thawed or mostly thawed. You can't refreeze it once it's thawed, so we lost all of it.

I have been a cow all weekend trying to build the supply back up, but I had a nice balance going before & I'm basically forcing myself into over-production to try to build up enough to make sure she can eat the next time I'm away for 12 hours.

I hate modern life. This would be so much easier if I lived in a hut and could just carry her around with me all day while I gather berries.

Tongue Tied

Some people may look at this and see a commentary on sexuality and the human form in cartoon illustration, but I see what has become my breastfeeding IDOL.



For something so natural, it sure is difficult to get the hang of. How does every other mammal on the planet do it without books, instructional videos, and individuals whose entire career is comprised of helping others breastfeed?

Different sources give me different numbers, but somewhere near 60% of moms are breastfeeding when they leave the hospital, and only 23% are still breastfeeding after 6 months. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, with the first 6 months being exclusive. So there's a huge disparity and no one seems to really know why.

I believe that 70% of the problem is laziness and/or misinformation floating around as a result of anti-nursing trends in 40's & 50s, which I believe were the result of prudishness and the over-sexualization of breasts in our culture. Another 29% (I'm making these numbers up, now) is probably the real complexity, both physical and logistical, of breastfeeding. Maybe the other 1% actually have physical abnormalities that prohibit breastfeeding. That tiny fraction would have perished in the wild were it not for surgeons and baby formula. Provided of course it wasn't from China.

If I'm ever asked for advice about childbirth by an expectant mother, I will tell her not to underestimate the importance of preparing not only for the birth but for the 24 hours afterwards that she'll want to use establishing a healthy nursing relationship with her baby. You spend so much time focusing on the one event (the birth) that once it's done you're there with ZERO preparation to do this other extremely important thing that also requires some knowledge and skill. If the hospital you're delivering in doesn't have certified lactation consultants on staff (as in real lactation consultants, not just nurses who took a 5 hour class), it's a great investment to hire one.

As you may have guessed, I had some trouble getting started breastfeeding in the hospital.

My precious little treefrog would chomp down on my nipple as though she were trying to bite it off. There was no suckling. Only chomping. Needless to say it was extremely painful. One idiot nurse who obviously knew nothing about proper latch insisted that I should let her chomp away; that I wasn't "giving the baby a chance."

A chance to WHAT, exactly? Bite my frickin nipple off? It just wasn't working. Kayla would bite down, I would yelp, she would get scared and cry, and we were both miserable. I tracked down a lactation consultant (LC) who agreed to come see us in the hospital that same day. (Note to non-parents: Yes, there are people whose entire living is made helping new moms breastfeed.) Kudos to Robin, who felt helpless watching us go through this and encouraged me without hesitation to get professional help even though it was an unexpected expense.

When she came I was already feeling pretty defeated, and questioning whether breastfeeding was something I could even do. Maybe the pain I was experiencing was normal and I was just a wimp, or maybe my baby was born dumb and just didn't know how to eat.

The LC worked with us for about half an hour and declared that I had nipple trauma (yay!), and that Kayla had a short frenulum. That's that little piece of skin that holds your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.

To get a proper latch, and to be able to feed without hurting mommy, the baby needs to extend her tongue down over her bottom gums. Kayla was unable to do this, and couldn't use her tongue to milk the breast properly.

The LC suggested we see a specialist to see about clipping her frenulum so that she'd be able to use her tongue properly and get a better latch. I was horrified at the idea and refused, determined to make it work without resorting to anything that seemed so drastic. Here I had this perfect, amazing baby, and I wasn't about to let anyone near her with sharp things.

So for the next two weeks, I alternated between pumping (every two hours, day and goddamn night, to keep my supply up), feeding with a nipple shield, and attempting every so often to feed her normally, directly on my breast. This whole ordeal was easily as physically challenging as the birth itself. I considered just switching to formula but every time I looked at the ingredients list for that shit, not to mention thought of the cheesy smell and all the amazing benefits I'd be cheating my daughter out of, I sucked it up and continued torturing myself.

In fact, the more I learned about breast milk and breastfeeding, the more amazed I was, and the more determined I became to make it work. Some of my favorite facts:

• The flavor of breast milk changes based on what you eat, which keeps baby interested in food and help establish a broader sense of taste. Breastfed babies often take to solid foods more quickly than formula fed babies because of this.
• Your baby benefits from your immune system. Before developing antibodies of her own, baby gets them from your breast milk. Breastfed babies generally get sick less often than formula fed ones.
• Breast milk changes as your baby ages. For example, it has a higher fat content when baby is younger and needs to put on the weight quickly. It's even perfect nutritionally for a baby that's born premature. It also changes from day to day, and from feeding to feeding, to meet your baby's needs in terms of nutrients and hydration. That means you don't need to think about whether baby is getting enough calories, enough water, etc. It's all there already in perfect balance.
  
• Breastfed babies are much less likely to develop food allergies. This was a major plus for me since my husband's family is plagued with them.

There are more benefits for the baby too numerous to list here, not to mention tons of health benefits for the mom. It's not just that breast is better than formula, it's that it's way, way, WAY fucking better than formula. But as motivated as I was, I was physically not up for the frequent pumping and ridiculous abuse my poor boobs were taking.

Finally I relented and went to see the specialist, and I am SO glad that we did. By that time I noticed that when Kayla stuck her tongue out, it had a bit of a heart shape to it because the middle was being pulled back by her short frenulum.

She gets this from me. I have a very short tongue. In elementary school boys would stick their tongue out at me and then make fun of me when I did it back because I could only stick out like half an inch. By high school the jokes turned into postulations on my lack of oral sex prowess, which I countered by explaining that a small tongue just meant there was more room in my mouth for other things. That shut 'em up.

ANYWAY.

The specialist explained that there aren't even any nerve endings in the frenulum, and that snipping it a little bit would be quick, painless, eliminate the possibility that she would need to switch to formula once I exhaust myself with current regimen, and possibly even save her from speech problems later on in life. I decided to do it, but I couldn't watch. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin stayed with her during the procedure while I hid in the bathroom.

When I came back in she was happy as a clam, and I was told I could feed her right away. Nothing to let bleed or heal, no swelling... just a happy baby ready to eat. And she did! For the very first time, I fed her normally, and there was (amazingly) NO PAIN. It's true that if breastfeeding hurts, you're not doing it right.

Since then it's been pretty smooth sailing. Sleeping is AWESOME now. When she gets hungry in the middle of the night, both of us hardly even have to wake up. She sleeps right next to me and when I hear her rooting, I just turn toward her and she latches on, and we both fall back asleep. It's a beautiful thing. I'm the best-rested mother of a three-month-old I know.

As as for providing comfort when she's fussy, nothing compares. Well, sometimes dad's arm will do for a little while...



... but he can only take so much of that before his arm starts to hurt.

I can't say I have any sympathy. =)

Pumpin' in the Girl's Room

I had an interesting first-day-back-in-the-office today.

I'd forgotten how much commuting sucks. People who push, people who don't shower, people who listen to their music so loud it defeats the purpose of headphones, people who say stupid, offensive things loud enough for everyone to hear, people who hand out religious literature, and people who wear huge backpacks but move as though they don't. Oh, how I haven't missed you fuckers.

The Challenge of the Day was to figure out the logistics of pumping at work. I'd never been separated from Kayla for so long before, and I'd previously only pumped in comfort of my own home (and a few times in the car). The conference rooms were being used and I don't have an office with a door that closes, so I locked myself in the over-sized handicap-accessible stall in the lady's room and went to work.

It wasn't as disgusting as I'd anticipated. The bathrooms at my office are quite nice and well-maintained. They were renovated a few months ago and are extremely clean, unlike some of the nasty ghetto bathrooms of offices past. I was fairly self-conscious coming out of the stall with two bottles of milk & rinsing the pump parts off in the sink, but I figured, if whoever sees me has kids they'll sympathize, and if they don't, fuck 'em. (Yeah, I'm one of those people now.)

Toward the end of the day I had a discussion with my boss about the long-term telecommuting arrangement. We agreed on two days per week in the office, three days working from home, for the next 6 months. I am pleased.

Then he informed me that we have not one, not three, but TWO lactation rooms in the building! Super special secret rooms just for nursing moms so they don't have to do what I just stupidly did! With their own refrigerators so I don't have to store my breast milk next to Tony the maintenance guy's ham sandwich!

I don't expect it to be in the company newsletter, but I'd been in contact with HR at least a dozen times regarding my pregnancy, maternity leave, and return to work. You'd think they'd mention the lactation rooms at some point. But whatever, I'm thrilled that they exist and look forward to NOT having to pump in the bathroom stall ever again. And, with only having to go into the office two days a week for the next six months, I'm confident I can keep the babe 100% breast fed until she starts solids.

Feelin' good, feelin' good.

Irony:

Swearing never to feed your daughter formula again because it makes her smell like parmesan cheese, and then accidentally spilling some on her while simultaneously nursing and eating spaghetti.

Breastfeeding Math: Why Returning to Work and Pumping is a Shitty, Shitty Option

After a long, difficult struggle that I'll save for another post, Kayla and I have finally got this nursing/breasfeeding thing DOWN. What was at first one of the most intimidating aspects of motherhood is now one of my favorite. I won't get into all the amazing benefits of breastfeeding here, but suffice it to say it's a critical part of our relationship, nourishing & soothing her while reinforcing my confidence as parent.

I've spoken to a few women who, after having established a good breastfeeding routine at home while on maternity leave, have had to start supplementing with formula once they went back to work. So as much as I enjoy my job and love my company, I dread being separated from my Treefrog for up to 10 or 11 hours at a time, not only because I'll miss the hell out of her, but because it's likely to damage the nursing relationship.

Let's assume for the moment that the bonding aspect of breastfeeding isn't even an issue. IT IS SO an issue! But let's pretend it's not, and just focus on the nutritional aspects. The goal is to continue exclusively feeding breast milk to baby upon return to work. This is typically accomplished by using a pump.

Consider the following truths:

1. Milk production is driven by symbiosis. Mom's supply changes in response to the frequency and nature of baby's suckling.
2. If everything goes well from the beginning, it takes about 12 weeks to establish the milk supply. (KellyMom.com has a great explanation of this process.)
3. The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) allows a new mom to be absent from her job for up to 12 weeks total, not necessarily with any compensation for that time.
4. No pump, no matter how advanced or expensive, is as efficient at emptying the breast as a well-latched baby.
5. No formula, no matter how advanced or expensive, comes close to the nutritional value of breast milk.

Already there's a problem: Unless a woman works right up until the day she gives birth, she has to return to work within that critical 3-month window that the supply is being established. This is a recipe for failure, as confirmed by my own experiment with pumping & bottle feeding during the day as a "dress rehearsal" for my return to work. These were my findings:

1. When Kayla is NOT having a growth spurt, she gets hungry about every 3 hours.
2. When she IS having a growth spurt, she's hungry every 1-2 hours. (Yeah, seriously.)
3. It takes her about 10 minutes to empty a breast. One breast typically satiates her, she'll rarely take the second if offered.
4. If I pump for 10 minutes every 3 hours, I get about 2.5 ounces per breast.
5. If she has a bottle every 3 hours, she drinks about 3.5 ounces before she's satisfied.

This solves the mystery of why these women suddenly had to start supplementing with formula. By pumping only as often as my daughter was eating, I lost an ounce every feeding. Since supply changes in response to baby's feeding, this would end up creating a negative feedback loop and decreasing supply while baby continues to grow and get hungrier and hungrier.

In my case, formula isn't an option because A) there's a strong history of food allergies in dad's family and B) formula is gross and makes my baby smell like cheese.

For each day that I'm in the office, I'll need to spend about 1.5 - 2 hours locked in an office somewhere expressing breast milk in order to keep up with the Treefrog's demand. Not the most efficient use of my time, or the company's time for that matter.

Returning to work and pumping is a shitty, shitty option for all involved.

I've requested permission to telecommute full time, and my boss agreed to a one-month trial of this arrangement. I'm extremely fortunate to work for an organization and a boss so flexible, and I hope I can prove in that first month that it's a viable arrangement long-term. I only wish more moms had such options.

Pornography

Old News: You've probably already heard about the controversy surrounding a 2006 BabyTalk Magazine cover pictured here. I just came across it myself and thought I'd weigh in a few years too late because after all, the internet is for complaining to anyone who'll listen. This particular image is quite old, but the debate on whether nursing (be it live or in pictures) should be on public display is as lively as ever.

I want to make clear that I think this type of display is totally inappropriate.

As one mom put it, "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Amen, sister! After all, you wouldn't want them to get confused and think they were about to have sex.

Another woman shed light on the male psyche. "Men are very visual... When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast, regardless of what it's being used for."

It's true. When a man sees a breast, he does indeed see a breast. This is indisputable.

Some have tried to justify allowing this kind of trash on newsstands by comparing it to other magazine covers, claiming that it is tasteful by comparison and not nearly as graphic. I believe this to be an attempt to deceive and confuse concerned citizens like myself, and would like to clear up any confusion on the issue right here and now.

See the difference? The magazine cover on the left is NOT offensive or sexually charged, because this woman is an ATHLETE. Any exposure of her body is obviously purely for academic purposes.

Here's another example.


Ah, TV Guide. Now THERE'S a magazine every God-fearing American should have a lifetime subscription to. The issue shown above is the Family Values Edition, featuring J-Love's mind-blowing all-nude talk show. I feel guilty displaying it next this "baby" (UGH) "eating" (GROSS).

Let's do one more just to make sure we're all clear on what constitutes acceptable newsstand material.


I hope that the folks over at BabyTalk, their sister publication Parenting Magazine, and their parent company Bonnier Corporation understand the depth of their mistake in putting such an offensive image on the cover of a mainstream magazine. Hopefully they won't make a habit of such displays, or people may actually come to see nursing as a natural, normal part of motherhood rather than the shameful act of lewdness that it is.