Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tongue Tied

Some people may look at this and see a commentary on sexuality and the human form in cartoon illustration, but I see what has become my breastfeeding IDOL.



For something so natural, it sure is difficult to get the hang of. How does every other mammal on the planet do it without books, instructional videos, and individuals whose entire career is comprised of helping others breastfeed?

Different sources give me different numbers, but somewhere near 60% of moms are breastfeeding when they leave the hospital, and only 23% are still breastfeeding after 6 months. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years, with the first 6 months being exclusive. So there's a huge disparity and no one seems to really know why.

I believe that 70% of the problem is laziness and/or misinformation floating around as a result of anti-nursing trends in 40's & 50s, which I believe were the result of prudishness and the over-sexualization of breasts in our culture. Another 29% (I'm making these numbers up, now) is probably the real complexity, both physical and logistical, of breastfeeding. Maybe the other 1% actually have physical abnormalities that prohibit breastfeeding. That tiny fraction would have perished in the wild were it not for surgeons and baby formula. Provided of course it wasn't from China.

If I'm ever asked for advice about childbirth by an expectant mother, I will tell her not to underestimate the importance of preparing not only for the birth but for the 24 hours afterwards that she'll want to use establishing a healthy nursing relationship with her baby. You spend so much time focusing on the one event (the birth) that once it's done you're there with ZERO preparation to do this other extremely important thing that also requires some knowledge and skill. If the hospital you're delivering in doesn't have certified lactation consultants on staff (as in real lactation consultants, not just nurses who took a 5 hour class), it's a great investment to hire one.

As you may have guessed, I had some trouble getting started breastfeeding in the hospital.

My precious little treefrog would chomp down on my nipple as though she were trying to bite it off. There was no suckling. Only chomping. Needless to say it was extremely painful. One idiot nurse who obviously knew nothing about proper latch insisted that I should let her chomp away; that I wasn't "giving the baby a chance."

A chance to WHAT, exactly? Bite my frickin nipple off? It just wasn't working. Kayla would bite down, I would yelp, she would get scared and cry, and we were both miserable. I tracked down a lactation consultant (LC) who agreed to come see us in the hospital that same day. (Note to non-parents: Yes, there are people whose entire living is made helping new moms breastfeed.) Kudos to Robin, who felt helpless watching us go through this and encouraged me without hesitation to get professional help even though it was an unexpected expense.

When she came I was already feeling pretty defeated, and questioning whether breastfeeding was something I could even do. Maybe the pain I was experiencing was normal and I was just a wimp, or maybe my baby was born dumb and just didn't know how to eat.

The LC worked with us for about half an hour and declared that I had nipple trauma (yay!), and that Kayla had a short frenulum. That's that little piece of skin that holds your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.

To get a proper latch, and to be able to feed without hurting mommy, the baby needs to extend her tongue down over her bottom gums. Kayla was unable to do this, and couldn't use her tongue to milk the breast properly.

The LC suggested we see a specialist to see about clipping her frenulum so that she'd be able to use her tongue properly and get a better latch. I was horrified at the idea and refused, determined to make it work without resorting to anything that seemed so drastic. Here I had this perfect, amazing baby, and I wasn't about to let anyone near her with sharp things.

So for the next two weeks, I alternated between pumping (every two hours, day and goddamn night, to keep my supply up), feeding with a nipple shield, and attempting every so often to feed her normally, directly on my breast. This whole ordeal was easily as physically challenging as the birth itself. I considered just switching to formula but every time I looked at the ingredients list for that shit, not to mention thought of the cheesy smell and all the amazing benefits I'd be cheating my daughter out of, I sucked it up and continued torturing myself.

In fact, the more I learned about breast milk and breastfeeding, the more amazed I was, and the more determined I became to make it work. Some of my favorite facts:
  • The flavor of breast milk changes based on what you eat, which keeps baby interested in food and help establish a broader sense of taste. Breastfed babies often take to solid foods more quickly than formula fed babies because of this.
  • Your baby benefits from your immune system. Before developing antibodies of her own, baby gets them from your breast milk. Breastfed babies generally get sick less often than formula fed ones.
  • Breast milk changes as your baby ages. For example, it has a higher fat content when baby is younger and needs to put on the weight quickly. It's even perfect nutritionally for a baby that's born premature. It also changes from day to day, and from feeding to feeding, to meet your baby's needs in terms of nutrients and hydration. That means you don't need to think about whether baby is getting enough calories, enough water, etc. It's all there already in perfect balance.
  • Breastfed babies are much less likely to develop food allergies. This was a major plus for me since my husband's family is plagued with them.
There are more benefits for the baby too numerous to list here, not to mention tons of health benefits for the mom. It's not just that breast is better than formula, it's that it's way, way, WAY fucking better than formula. But as motivated as I was, I was physically not up for the frequent pumping and ridiculous abuse my poor boobs were taking.

Finally I relented and went to see the specialist, and I am SO glad that we did. By that time I noticed that when Kayla stuck her tongue out, it had a bit of a heart shape to it because the middle was being pulled back by her short frenulum.

She gets this from me. I have a very short tongue. In elementary school boys would stick their tongue out at me and then make fun of me when I did it back because I could only stick out like half an inch. By high school the jokes turned into postulations on my lack of oral sex prowess, which I countered by explaining that a small tongue just meant there was more room in my mouth for other things. That shut 'em up.

ANYWAY.

The specialist explained that there aren't even any nerve endings in the frenulum, and that snipping it a little bit would be quick, painless, eliminate the possibility that she would need to switch to formula once I exhaust myself with current regimen, and possibly even save her from speech problems later on in life. I decided to do it, but I couldn't watch. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin stayed with her during the procedure while I hid in the bathroom.

When I came back in she was happy as a clam, and I was told I could feed her right away. Nothing to let bleed or heal, no swelling... just a happy baby ready to eat. And she did! For the very first time, I fed her normally, and there was (amazingly) NO PAIN. It's true that if breastfeeding hurts, you're not doing it right.

Since then it's been pretty smooth sailing. Sleeping is AWESOME now. When she gets hungry in the middle of the night, both of us hardly even have to wake up. She sleeps right next to me and when I hear her rooting, I just turn toward her and she latches on, and we both fall back asleep. It's a beautiful thing. I'm the best-rested mother of a three-month-old I know.

As as for providing comfort when she's fussy, nothing compares. Well, sometimes dad's arm will do for a little while...



... but he can only take so much of that before his arm starts to hurt.

I can't say I have any sympathy. =)

Monday, September 29, 2008

Way to encourage independent thought

The perfect way to say, "Hi! We just had a baby five minutes ago and have already started projecting our political view on her!"

http://babyshere.com/Littlest-Democrat-Girl-Birth-Announcement.html

Gross.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Lines and Tiggers and Buffoons, Oh My!

You know Winnie the Pooh's friend Tigger? While standing on line at Babies-R-Us I witnessed the following.

Winnie the Pooh and Tigger costumes hang from a rack near the check-out lines in Babies-R-Us. Golden bears that say "Winnie" across the front, and orange cats that say "Tigger." The mom on line in front of me grabs one of the Tigger costumes and holds it up to her 2 or 3 year old daughter and says, "Look, honey! A tiger! Do you want to be a tiger for Halloween?"

I wonder if she realizes that's not really a tiger costume, but the character Tigger. Surely she'll notice the name on the front momentarily.

She did notice. And as she pointed to the T-I-G-G-E-R, she said, "Look, honey! Tiger! Can you say tiger?"

Wait... does this woman think...

"Say tiger, honey!" (pointing to the letters on the costume) "Tiiiiiiiiiigeeeeerrrrrrr..."

*sigh*

Friday, September 19, 2008

Girls & Boys According to Feetie Pajamas

Went to the mall yesterday to buy feetie pajamas in anticipation of the autumn chill. The store had a "boys" rack and a "girls" rack. The pajamas on both racks were identical in terms of fabric, cut, and sizing. The differences were in theme.

On the boys rack: trucks, robots, puppies, spaceships, cars, and sports.

On the girls rack: hearts, flowers, kittens, crayons, more flowers, and more hearts.


Just sayin'.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

itzbeen fun

Sitting on the couch with my Kaylapie as she's looking and reaching toward the end table where a stuffed bear sits. I give her the bear--nothing. Still reaching for the table.

What did she want? She wanted to play with the itzbeen. Screw stuffed animals, she says, I want to push buttons and watch them light up.

That's my girl.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Sweet Taste of Rotovirus

Yesterday's pediatric appointment for Kayla went better than I'd expected. After I'd explained the research I'd done and what my concerns were, our doctor was fine with us holding off on pretty much all of the vaccines. When we asked him what would happen if we refused all of the vaccines, he said two things:

First, that he would want to come up with a plan of action in the event of an exposure. I was so happy to hear that instead of something like, "then you'll have to find another doctor."

Second, when it comes time for her to go to school, he told us that he has written notes in the past for parents that refused the vaccine. The note would usually describe the research done by the parent and the reasons for their refusal, and he's never had anyone come back to him saying it didn't work.

He gave us the brand names of each vaccine he has available so that we could look up the ingredients of each of them specifically. In the meantime, we already knew we were fine with getting the drops in her mouth for Rotovirus, so we did that yesterday.

I held Kayla while he squeezed this clear liquid out of a tube into her mouth, which she promptly spit out. Most of the liquid went down her cheeks onto her neck, but the doctor said that was to be expected, and the amount that did stay in her mouth was enough.

It was enough alright... enough to get her screaming her head off. I had never seen her cry so hard before. I asked, "Why is it bothering her so much? Is it just the taste or does it burn or something?" He replied, "I'm not sure, but some babies do cry a lot. It's probably just because she's not used to the taste. Subsequent doses are usually a lot better."

So I did what any good mom would do and licked the remaining rotovirus vaccine off her neck so that I would know exactly what she was experiencing. Had I thought of it, I probably would have asked to taste the stuff before she had any. It didn't burn or hurt my mouth in any way, but it did taste NASTY. It was sweet, but not sweet like fruit or even sugar... more sweet like putting a whole pack of nutrasweet in your mouth and nothing else.

I tried to nurse her but she wasn't having it. I can't say I blame her; I wouldn't trust anyone to put anything in my mouth after that either. But a few minutes later after she calmed down we went outside and she nursed for about 10 minutes and calmed down. She's spitting up a little more than usual today but other than that, seems fine.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Vaccines, Religion, Philosophy, and Science

I'm still trying to sort out this whole vaccine business, trying to find a happy medium between "do whatever the nice doctor tells you" and "don't let anyone near your kid with a syringe, it's all a scam."

Here's what I thought was a reasonable approach to deciding whether to get a particular vaccination for the Treefrog:

I will do some research. If the vaccine is shown to be safe (ie, the side effects are less likely and milder than contracting the disease it's supposed to protect against) and effective (ie, people who have been vaccinated don't subsequently get sick) then I will say "yes" to it.

Then I find out that most of the vaccinations have aluminum in them. In some cases, pretty large amounts. In studies done on metal toxicity, a safe amount is something like 5 micrograms per 2 lbs or so of body weight. Let's say a two month old baby weighs about 12 lbs... that would put the "safe" amount of aluminum at about 60 mcg.

The vaccines scheduled to be administered at two months old have anywhere between 130 to 640 mcg of aluminum. Each.

I'm not a doctor or a medical researcher or or a genius, but, WHAT THE SHIT?

Then when you look for justification for such large amounts of aluminum, you're told that they help the vaccines work better (which I'm sure is true). Look for reassurance that there are no long-term side effects, and you find that there haven't been any studies done to measure them. (Edit: Or have there?)

When I raises these questions with educated friends, they insisted that since the introduction of the various vaccines, the disease-related deaths have dropped dramatically, and continue to drop. That NOT vaccinating your kid is an irresponsible thing that only a Bad Parent would do.

So I did some more research... and I found that yes, the mortality rates for these diseases have been dropping ever since the introduction of the vaccine. But... they had been dropping at the same rate long BEFORE the vaccines were introduced:





So that tells me that it's not the vaccines themselves that are causing the mortality rate to decline, but something else, like maybe improved hygiene & medical care overall. (Remember soap?)

Then there are the vaccines against things which are not deadly. And this, I believe, is a gross misuse of the technology. Polio, yes. Hepatitis B? Maybe not for a newborn, but sure. But a vaccine for chickenpox? Seriously? Chickenpox is annoying, but not deadly. Hell, when I was a kid it was practically a right of passage. But now it's part of the standard vaccination schedule and it seems that we've traded the relatively benign Chickenpox for the much more serious Shingles.

Then I started looking into the implications are of refusing vaccines altogether, at least until I'm reasonably convinced that each one is safe, effective, and necessary.

If I want to send my child to school, my only option would be to try to claim a religious exemption. Some states have philosophical exemptions as well, but not New York.

So let me get this straight. My neighbor can walk into a school and say, "My religion forbids vaccines" and she's clear. But I can do hours upon hours of research, crunch numbers, gain as thorough an understanding of the manufacturing process and final ingredients of each vaccine as my limited training and background will allow and make an informed determination that it's not in my daughter's best interest to get them, and THAT'S NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH???

AAAARRRRGHH!!!!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Pumpin' in the Girl's Room

I had an interesting first-day-back-in-the-office today.

I'd forgotten how much commuting sucks. People who push, people who don't shower, people who listen to their music so loud it defeats the purpose of headphones, people who say stupid, offensive things loud enough for everyone to hear, people who hand out religious literature, and people who wear huge backpacks but move as though they don't. Oh, how I haven't missed you fuckers.

The Challenge of the Day was to figure out the logistics of pumping at work. I'd never been separated from Kayla for so long before, and I'd previously only pumped in comfort of my own home (and a few times in the car). The conference rooms were being used and I don't have an office with a door that closes, so I locked myself in the over-sized handicap-accessible stall in the lady's room and went to work.

It wasn't as disgusting as I'd anticipated. The bathrooms at my office are quite nice and well-maintained. They were renovated a few months ago and are extremely clean, unlike some of the nasty ghetto bathrooms of offices past. I was fairly self-conscious coming out of the stall with two bottles of milk & rinsing the pump parts off in the sink, but I figured, if whoever sees me has kids they'll sympathize, and if they don't, fuck 'em. (Yeah, I'm one of those people now.)

Toward the end of the day I had a discussion with my boss about the long-term telecommuting arrangement. We agreed on two days per week in the office, three days working from home, for the next 6 months. I am pleased.

Then he informed me that we have not one, not three, but TWO lactation rooms in the building! Super special secret rooms just for nursing moms so they don't have to do what I just stupidly did! With their own refrigerators so I don't have to store my breast milk next to Tony the maintenance guy's ham sandwich!

I don't expect it to be in the company newsletter, but I'd been in contact with HR at least a dozen times regarding my pregnancy, maternity leave, and return to work. You'd think they'd mention the lactation rooms at some point. But whatever, I'm thrilled that they exist and look forward to NOT having to pump in the bathroom stall ever again. And, with only having to go into the office two days a week for the next six months, I'm confident I can keep the babe 100% breast fed until she starts solids.

Feelin' good, feelin' good.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Girls & Boys According to Catalogs

Some facts about a children's clothing & fantasy/dress up catalog I got in the mail:

Dress-up/Pretend Themes featured:
astronauts, beach, clowns, cowboy/cowgirl, dinosaurs, eco-adventure/rugged terrain, fairy, fire fighter, monsters, pirate, princess, auto racing, rock band, tea party

Total images of Boys in the catalog:
55

Total images of Girls in the catalog:
62

Percent of Girls in skirts or dresses:
87

Themes which featured NO boys at all:
fairy, tea party

Themes which featured NO girls at all:
astronauts, dinosaurs, fire fighters, monsters, auto racing


Just sayin'.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Relationship Genetics

http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2008/09/study-for-men-g.html

According to a study published by Proceedings of the National Academies of Science, men with one or more varients of a particular gene are more likely to have relationship problems.

One of the most interesting and terrifying things about the potential for genetic engineering and genetic behavioral decoding has been tapped into by Hollywood in movies such as Gattaca and Brave New World.

They always address it on a macro level. Big government decides your worth after evaluating your genes. More terrifying than this, to me, is what it would mean on a micro level. For example, a woman using the behavior of a man's father to judge how worthy he is of a relationship. ("His father left his mother 10 years ago. He's probably got The Gene.")

Monday, September 1, 2008

Unsolicited Advice for First Time Moms

Read at least as much material on the moments and days immediately after childbirth as you do about preparing for the birth itself. You won't have time to catch up when the time comes.

Don't watch the birth shows on the medical cable channels. They are designed for ratings. That means that of the hundreds of births they film, they will air the most "dramatic" ones, giving you a very distorted view of what a typical birth is like. Instead, watch births (especially home births & natural births) on YouTube. I know it sounds gross, but you'll get a much better idea of the reality of what childbirth is like than the edited-for-maximum-advertising-revenue version.

Try to witness at least one mother breastfeeding successfully before you give birth. Talk to people who are successful at it and ignore those who weren't. Hire a lactation consultant to come visit you in the hospital the day after the birth, even if you're sure you won't need one.

Room in. Keeping your baby with you in the hospital while you recover may seem like extra work that you're not up for, but the confidence it gives you when you're back home is well worth it. You'll want to be there the first time your baby has a coughing fit or screams suddenly or does any number of scary things so that you can get first hand experience handling it in the presence of professionals.

Prepare your partner for the worst, but be your best. Apologize in advance for all the horrible things you will do and say to him (or her), and then do your best to NOT live up to that picture.

Be nice to the nurses, even if they're annoying the shit out of you. To do a job like that every day it's easiest to just turn off your compassion, but it's harder to do that when they actually empathize with you and like you.

At some point during labor, even if you're not drugged up beyond coherence, you will feel like you are. Don't be afraid of that feeling; relish in it. It's what will get you through the next couple of hours and leave you wondering why you were so worried about giving birth.

If possible, have someone there to take pictures, if not during, then immediately after the birth. Later you won't believe how beautiful that slimey, wrinkly little thing was, and wonder if you're remembering it correctly.

If the hospital offers the option of a private recovery room at an extra expense, and it won't break the bank, go for it. Or, ask friends to contribute money toward a private recovery room at your baby shower. (Much more useful than the 20th through 80th pink or blue size NB onesies.)

Have a birth plan. Those who say that the term "birth plan" is an oxymoron don't understand the definition of the word "plan," and probably aren't very good at "planning." Don't you look up directions to a place you've never been before, even though there's a possibility that some of those roads will be closed? More on birth plans in a future post.

Irony:

Swearing never to feed your daughter formula again because it makes her smell like parmesan cheese, and then accidentally spilling some on her while simultaneously nursing and eating spaghetti.