Breastfeeding Math: Why Returning to Work and Pumping is a Shitty, Shitty Option

After a long, difficult struggle that I'll save for another post, Kayla and I have finally got this nursing/breasfeeding thing DOWN. What was at first one of the most intimidating aspects of motherhood is now one of my favorite. I won't get into all the amazing benefits of breastfeeding here, but suffice it to say it's a critical part of our relationship, nourishing & soothing her while reinforcing my confidence as parent.

I've spoken to a few women who, after having established a good breastfeeding routine at home while on maternity leave, have had to start supplementing with formula once they went back to work. So as much as I enjoy my job and love my company, I dread being separated from my Treefrog for up to 10 or 11 hours at a time, not only because I'll miss the hell out of her, but because it's likely to damage the nursing relationship.

Let's assume for the moment that the bonding aspect of breastfeeding isn't even an issue. IT IS SO an issue! But let's pretend it's not, and just focus on the nutritional aspects. The goal is to continue exclusively feeding breast milk to baby upon return to work. This is typically accomplished by using a pump.

Consider the following truths:

1. Milk production is driven by symbiosis. Mom's supply changes in response to the frequency and nature of baby's suckling.
2. If everything goes well from the beginning, it takes about 12 weeks to establish the milk supply. (KellyMom.com has a great explanation of this process.)
3. The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) allows a new mom to be absent from her job for up to 12 weeks total, not necessarily with any compensation for that time.
4. No pump, no matter how advanced or expensive, is as efficient at emptying the breast as a well-latched baby.
5. No formula, no matter how advanced or expensive, comes close to the nutritional value of breast milk.

Already there's a problem: Unless a woman works right up until the day she gives birth, she has to return to work within that critical 3-month window that the supply is being established. This is a recipe for failure, as confirmed by my own experiment with pumping & bottle feeding during the day as a "dress rehearsal" for my return to work. These were my findings:

1. When Kayla is NOT having a growth spurt, she gets hungry about every 3 hours.
2. When she IS having a growth spurt, she's hungry every 1-2 hours. (Yeah, seriously.)
3. It takes her about 10 minutes to empty a breast. One breast typically satiates her, she'll rarely take the second if offered.
4. If I pump for 10 minutes every 3 hours, I get about 2.5 ounces per breast.
5. If she has a bottle every 3 hours, she drinks about 3.5 ounces before she's satisfied.

This solves the mystery of why these women suddenly had to start supplementing with formula. By pumping only as often as my daughter was eating, I lost an ounce every feeding. Since supply changes in response to baby's feeding, this would end up creating a negative feedback loop and decreasing supply while baby continues to grow and get hungrier and hungrier.

In my case, formula isn't an option because A) there's a strong history of food allergies in dad's family and B) formula is gross and makes my baby smell like cheese.

For each day that I'm in the office, I'll need to spend about 1.5 - 2 hours locked in an office somewhere expressing breast milk in order to keep up with the Treefrog's demand. Not the most efficient use of my time, or the company's time for that matter.

Returning to work and pumping is a shitty, shitty option for all involved.

I've requested permission to telecommute full time, and my boss agreed to a one-month trial of this arrangement. I'm extremely fortunate to work for an organization and a boss so flexible, and I hope I can prove in that first month that it's a viable arrangement long-term. I only wish more moms had such options.

Babywearing: The Quest for the Right Baby Carrier; a product comparison

If I can't remember how to cook pasta it's because that space in my brain is now occupied by baby carrier product comparisons.

Babies LOVE to be carried, and I don't know how I would survive without being able to wear Kayla and still have a hand or two free to check my email or lift some food to my mouth. I bought about 8 of them & returned 3. I know that sounds like overkill, but if some of my girlfriends (and one good male friend of mine) can have 87 pairs of shoes, I feel justified in having 5 different baby carriers. Each has advantages in different stages & situations.

Nearly all manufacturers will tell you that theirs is "the only carrier you'll ever need," but that's just marketing bullshit.

To save you a few trips to the store or post office making returns, here are some things you should do/consider before buying any carrier:

• Form vs. Function: I've been finding that the beauty of a carrier is inversely proportional to it's usefulness. Also, the importance of the beauty of a carrier is inversely proportional to the age of your baby. I wanted something really stylish when I first came home from the hospital, but after two days of fussing with rings and adjustment straps I realized that what I really needed was something that I could get Treefrog in & out of QUICKLY, and that unless I'm going someplace formal, I really don't care what it looks like.

• How developed is your baby? Does she hold her head up on her own? Does she let her legs stretch out or does she still curl up into a little ball when you hold her? Consider what parts of baby need how much support in order for her to be comfortable.

• How much does baby weigh, and how strong are your arms & back? Different carriers distribute baby's weight differently. What's comfortable for you at 6lbs. may kill at 15.

• Season/Climate: You can always add a blanket or cover in cold weather. But warm weather + non-breathable fabric = hot, cranky baby!

• If possible, attend a babywearing class. Many baby stores and birth centers offer classes in babywearing and have a few different kinds of carriers you can try on while you're there. If that's not possible, find friends who already have carriers you can try on, or just look on the manufacturer's websites or on You Tube for how-to videos of the carrier you're interested in. Sometimes seeing what's involved in getting your kid secured & comfortable will give you some idea whether it's a good fit for you.

• Don't worry so much about brand. Focus on choosing a design that fits your needs first, and then check out the various brands that make that type of carrier. Once you narrow down the type of carrier you want, the main difference between brands is the fabrics & colors they come in.
  

• Don't underestimate the the importance of versatility! Baby is growing and changing before your eyes, and what works one day may not work the next.

Thankfully, with Attachment Parenting and babywearing gaining in popularity, more and more baby carriers are becoming available, increasingly the likelihood that you'll find one you'll love and not need to get a bigger house for all your carriers like I probably will some day.

Here are some of the terms you'll hear used to describe the various styles of baby carrier & my two cents on each of them. Some are just re-branded classics, but some are actually new designs that don't really fit into the traditional categories of sling/wrap/backpack:

Sling - This is a generic term used to describe pretty much any carrier that goes over your shoulder & can be used for a cradle hold.

Wrap - Another generic term. I hear a lot of moms use "sling" and "wrap" interchangeably to talk about baby carriers in general. For example, a Maya Wrap is actually a sling.

Ring Sling - This is a specific type of sling which has rings that you can use to adjust the fit. Some of you may have had belts that closed this way in the 80's. The Maya Wrap is the most popular brand, but there's also The Original Sears BabySling, ZoloWear, and TaylorMade, to name a few.

Advantages: 1. Many ring slings come in light, breathable fabrics. 2. They are extremely versatile. 3. They're relatively easy to breastfeed in. 4. The tail of the wrap can be used as a blanket for extra coverage in the event of modesty or wind. 5. Major hippie cred.

Disadvantages: 1. It takes a while to get the hang of getting baby in and out of a sling wrap, and you have to spend time adjusting it for comfort each and every time you put it on. 2. Newborns tend to get a bit lost in them because there's a lot of fabric to contend with. 3. Major hippie cred.

So far my girl will only stay in hers while she's sleeping because she can't move around in it much, but I think that'll change when she's big enough to sit with her head, legs and arms hanging out of it.

Stretch Wrap - These aren't adjustable per se, but they are made of elastic and make for a snug, comfortable fit for most infants.

The Baby Nest was perfect for me during the first couple of weeks, but now it's too confining and my active little Treefrog screams when I try to put her in it. Keep in mind that she only liked being swaddled for the first week of her life, and I'm not sure how typical that is. I'm guessing many babies would do well with a stretch wrap for much longer than mine did. I'd recommend a stretch wrap as a baby shower gift since it's great for carrying newborns. The Moby Wrap is the one I see most often.

Pouch - Basically a plain, non-stretchy, non-adjustable piece of fabric that has a curved shape to it to hold baby.

Advantages: Very easy to put on & take off because you don't have to do any adjusting.

Disadvantages: You have to make sure you get the right size, or it'll either be too tight & uncomfortable for baby, or too loose and you won't feel like she's being properly supported. Also, you or baby will eventually grow out of it.

The most popular brands of pouch-type slings (around where I live anyway) are Munchkin Jelly Bean and the Peanut Shell. Also try Slinglings or Kangaroo Korner.

Upright or Backpack Carrier - These are carriers that look something like backpacks and hold baby in an upright or seated position. Note that I'm not referring to framed carriers here-- I'm talking soft carriers with shoulder straps & in some cases, hip support.

One of the most popular upright carriers is the Baby Bjorn. Bjorn makes a few different styles now, including one that's made of lighter, more breathable material. Infantino makes an almost identical carrier. Both are easy (in my opinion) to get baby in and out of, and baby likes the fact that she can see everything you see and move her limbs around while being carried. These and similar types can be used on the front or the back, with baby facing you or facing out when used in the front position. I should mention, though, that there's been some controversy over this type of carrier because of the potential for spinal compression. Also, baby is basically being held by the crotch, which may not be great for boys especially.

Some good alternatives are the Ergo Baby Carrier and the Ellaroo Mei Tai. They both form more of a seat for your baby, eliminating the spinal compression/crotch crunch problems. The also distribute baby's weight more evenly and are usually more comfortable. The Ergo in particular gets rave reviews and can also be used in a hip position. It ain't pretty, but it's EXTREMELY functional.

Framed Backpack Carrier - Framed carriers are those huge things you'll see crunchy dads using to tote their little ones around on hikes. They're not really for everyday babywearing, but I'm including them here for the sake of completeness. If you like to go hiking and want to bring baby along, you can check out the Kelty or Chicco frame carriers.

Mei Tai - A Mei Tai is an Asian wrap that's similar to a backpack carrier but not quite as plug-and-play. They're definitely prettier than a Bjorn or an Ergo, but they require more skill to put on. You can mix & match straps & fabrics at meitaibaby.com, or pick a canned one at Ellaroo.

Hip Carrier - As the name implies, it's a carrier that supports baby while she sits on your hip. I personally haven't tried one of these yet, and am probably not going to since many upright carriers can be adjusted to be worn on the hip anyway. The one I was considering was the Ellaroo Mei Hip.

Cargo thingy dingy - I don't know if there's even a separate name for this one yet, but one of my favorite style of carrier right now is this adjustable sling-looking thingy with mesh sides and elastic rails. Unlike all of the carriers mentioned above, you put baby into the carrier first, and then put the carrier on you. It's very roomy so baby can move around, and has velcro straps that hold baby in place so she doesn't slide down as you're walking.

The one that I own is the Infantino SlingRider, but the Munchkin Jellybean Cargo Sling is pretty much the exact same thing with more pockets. Boppy makes one with a second strap to help distribute weight across both shoulders, but I found that this tends to ride up and put pressure on your neck so I returned it.

IMPORTANT: If you buy the Infantino SlingRider, make sure it's the newer version with the secure adjustment clip. The old version was recalled for being a fall hazard. In fact a few of these carriers have multiple iterations; most are just design improvements for convenience but you should always make sure you're buying the latest one in case safety improvements are made.

Well, there you have it. If you're in the market for a baby carrier, kudos for your decision to keep baby with you, and I hope this helps you navigate the marketplace a bit. When you find the right carrier for you and your baby, you'll both love the convenience and the closeness it facilitates. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to relearn how to cook pasta.

Rickets

Interesting:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/26/health/research/26rick.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin

...though I wonder why more Vitamin D for mom and more time in the sun (with appropriate protection of course) isn't proposed as a solution?

Bobble Heads

Things I didn't "get" until I had a kid of my own #8,712: "Baby On Board" signs. You hardly see them any more because after they were useful, they became a fad and then finally a joke:



I love ya George, but you're a bit of a dick on this one. The sign isn't there to tell other people that they should drive more carefully because I've got a kid on board, it's to explain why I'm driving more carefully.

I realized this the first time I drove by myself with Kayla. Itty bitty babies have delicate necks and no head control, so if you take a turn too fast their little heads whip back and forth. (And by "too fast" I mean normal speed by any other standards.) Too much of this can cause serious damage to an infant's neck, head and brain.

Until a few weeks ago I'd always had Robin in the car with me, so one of us would drive & the other would be in the back with baby to fix her head when needed. But this time I had to pull over twice in the first 15 minutes of my trip to fix her head after it flopped forward. I have those little pads that you prop on either side of baby's head to keep it from flopping around *too* much, but that only helps so much.

So after learning how slowly I had to take a turn to keep her head from flopping, I now had to deal with every driver behind me at every turn honking and yelling at me as they cut me off. At first I thought, "I should get one of those "Baby On Board" signs so they'd know why I was taking the turn so slowly... maybe then they'd chill the fuck out. Crap, did I just seriously consider that?" Then I thought, "No wait, even if I do that, they'll just think I'm an asshole a la George Carlin sketch." Finally I landed on, "Fuck these people, let 'em yell. Obviously they don't have kids. They wouldn't understand."

Yeah. I'm becoming one of *those* people. WHAT.

Pornography

Old News: You've probably already heard about the controversy surrounding a 2006 BabyTalk Magazine cover pictured here. I just came across it myself and thought I'd weigh in a few years too late because after all, the internet is for complaining to anyone who'll listen. This particular image is quite old, but the debate on whether nursing (be it live or in pictures) should be on public display is as lively as ever.

I want to make clear that I think this type of display is totally inappropriate.

As one mom put it, "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see." Amen, sister! After all, you wouldn't want them to get confused and think they were about to have sex.

Another woman shed light on the male psyche. "Men are very visual... When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast, regardless of what it's being used for."

It's true. When a man sees a breast, he does indeed see a breast. This is indisputable.

Some have tried to justify allowing this kind of trash on newsstands by comparing it to other magazine covers, claiming that it is tasteful by comparison and not nearly as graphic. I believe this to be an attempt to deceive and confuse concerned citizens like myself, and would like to clear up any confusion on the issue right here and now.

See the difference? The magazine cover on the left is NOT offensive or sexually charged, because this woman is an ATHLETE. Any exposure of her body is obviously purely for academic purposes.

Here's another example.


Ah, TV Guide. Now THERE'S a magazine every God-fearing American should have a lifetime subscription to. The issue shown above is the Family Values Edition, featuring J-Love's mind-blowing all-nude talk show. I feel guilty displaying it next this "baby" (UGH) "eating" (GROSS).

Let's do one more just to make sure we're all clear on what constitutes acceptable newsstand material.


I hope that the folks over at BabyTalk, their sister publication Parenting Magazine, and their parent company Bonnier Corporation understand the depth of their mistake in putting such an offensive image on the cover of a mainstream magazine. Hopefully they won't make a habit of such displays, or people may actually come to see nursing as a natural, normal part of motherhood rather than the shameful act of lewdness that it is.

Bed Wetting Alarm.... Seriously?

I came across this product while searching for some unrelated stuff for Kayla, who is now 7 weeks old.

My first thought was, are you fucking kidding me? After all alarms are usually meant to alert us of things like break-ins where the appropriate response is to pounce on and arrest/beat the person who set off the alarm. Being completely ignorant to how this product is supposed to work, I have this image in my head of some poor kid wetting the bed in his sleep, the alarm going off and his parents bursting in saying, "Ah-HA! You just wet the bed! Shame on you!"

But research confirms that I'm an idiot, because this is how it really works:

Child wets the bed, and the alarm detects the wetness and goes off. This may be a sound but it can also be set to vibrate. You use whichever is more likely to wake the child up as quickly as possible. Child, upon waking, stops peeing and goes immediately to the bathroom to finish. Over time it trains the child to recognize his elimination cues in his sleep so that he stops wetting the bed sooner than he would have otherwise grown out of it.

Oh! That... actually sounds like a really good solution. Yay, I learned something!

Now that I'm a mother, I know EVERYTHING.

That is how it works, right? Because if it's not, I will be more disappointed than when I discovered that teenage-hood did not render me omnipotent. Even more disappointed than when I learned that college, too, had fairly little value in the grand scheme of things.

But this time it's different, because everyone knows that moms know best. After all, becoming a mother is a life-changing experience. So here I am, and in a display of selfless generosity only a mother can achieve, I will share my newly acquired wisdom with you, dear reader.

Are you buying this at all? Yeah, me neither. Lemme start over.

Hi, I'm a new mom. My baby is 6 weeks old. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I have NO idea what the fuck I'm doing.

My husband and I, in our past lives, spent most of our time geeking out by reading/watching SciFi, building things, playing chess, and obsessing over the daily minutiae of our tech jobs (I'm an IT manager, he's a network engineer). For the most part, we totally had our shit together. Now we've got a baby, and out of necessity as much as desire, we geek out on parenting. During my pregnancy I read about 40 books, talked to countless other moms, and spent more time on line than I care to mention researching everything from amnios to zygotes. Now I'm doing the same with topics like breastfeeding, infant development, vaccines, etc., etc.. And of course, I'm getting on-the-job training courtesy of my gorgeous daughter. My goal, of course, is to produce a happy, healthy, well-adjusted, capable young woman. And as a bonus I get to litter the internet with more rants, random observations and self-indulgent tangents along the way. You're welcome!

Obviously being a mother doesn't automatically make a person any smarter, wiser or more interesting. In fact, lately I've been feeling pretty fucking dull in every respect. But I am definitely seeing the world through new (albeit bloodshot) eyes. It's all rather fascinating to me, and rather than subjecting people to it unwillingly via my desire to go on and on about everything I'm learning, I'm sharing in a more passive way by posting stuff here. Read (or don't) and enjoy (or don't)!