For the longest time I treated my 4-year-old daughter's refusal to go to bed at night as a discipline problem. And it was, just not in the sense that she was intentionally going against my wishes, but in the sense that she lacked the discipline necessary to fall asleep.
I can relate-- most nights I have trouble falling asleep myself. I find it difficult to quiet my mind for long enough to drift off. There's always some idea, or something I had to do, that snaps my mind back into wakefulness. When it happens to adults we call it stress, but when it happens to our kids, we treat them as though they're misbehaving. (Incidentally, trouble falling asleep at night is one sign of an intelligent child.)
We often use the term "discipline problems" as a euphemism for behavioral issues. But discipline is an internally developed skill. Avoidance of punishment is one possible motivation, but in the long run, not a very effective one. No wonder instructions like, "Listen, tonight at bedtime, I want you to lie in bed QUIETLY. No jumping around, no games with your sister, no getting up and playing with your toys. Just stay in bed and Go. To. SLEEP."
She would say, "I don't want to!" but the truth is, she just didn't know how.
Kids WANT to learn. As much as we want them to stay little, they want to grow up and become bigger, smarter, faster, better than they currently are.
My daughter started sleeping much better the day I told her, "We're going to practice falling asleep tonight. It can be really hard sometimes, but if you practice, you'll get better and better at it, just like writing your name or climbing the big ladder at the park. It'll take a little while, but I KNOW you can do it."
Where discipline techniques fail, faith and encouragement prevail.
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